I agree having him around is better, but I also have been given the advice to play the tough love route too... like around the Holiday's... he brought it up that he will not be around my family for the holiday's - I didn't say anything.. part of me wants him to suffer and realize how it really is going to be if he divorces me - part of me wants him to spend it with us... too soon to tell and not sure what will work best....
Today I'm not even sure I'd want him back... actually I don't want the old man back I want a better healthier man back and not sure right now if he is willing to do the work to get there... He mentioned he had talked to a priest (I wonder though) and he said well you know they are pro-marriage .. I should have said - yeah of course they are.. like he doesn't want to talk to anyone that is for saving the marriage - he doesn't want to hear it. I mentioned that what harm is talking to a counselor to work through what he is feeling.. he said our MC counselor was telling him all the things he didn't want to hear... I said if he goes by himself she'll just help him sort out his feelings and allow us to better communicate... who knows...
I would suggest, if he has said he won't be around your family then don't bring it up again. I understand the tough love, but there is a line you don't want to cross too, and it's the part about allowing them to feel comfortable with you again,so that they will open up and start viewing you as a friend again.
of course he won't do the work now, he is no where ready for that. But in the future, he quite possibly will, and you can make a difference in that as well by how you choose to respond to him. You will lead his way.
In regards to C, just be careful. I sometimes think a C can get in the way, UNLESS you have a specifically pro-marriage and sollution based therapist. Otherwise, they could just validate and encourage the WAS to move forward with their "feelings" IMO.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
