Max, how I wish I could tell her that I was wrong...that I should have never placed them above their father in my heart....
Why can't you? What is preventing you from telling her this?
The description of how you viewed children versus your partner...
Originally Posted By: DQ
what actually happened was that I put our children as an intimacy buffer BETWEEN myself and my ex-husband.
And now in retrospect, this was not "right". It was not true initmacy with my own children EITHER because I "used" them in this way. I "used" them to pour all my love and devotion upon, while I did not pour the same love and devotion upon my ex-husband. I "used" them to "fill me up" with love...instead of being a mature person who makes herself happy.
...I feel this could have come straight from my wife's hands, if she had some awareness. It is exactly what she did, what she does. And it is exactly what her mother did.
also...
Quote:
I could not be completely faithful until I could be completely intimate. This took me years to understand and not until I was divorced and with a new partner did I finally start to "get it". My new partner pointed out to me very clearly the ways in which I was "blocking" intimacy with him early in our relationship. As I explore "yeah, he's right...I really am blocking it...why would I do that?"...over time, I kept sorting through and sorting through it all.
Blocking in what way? can you give an example or two? What did this look like, to you?
