First I sent XW an e-mail about considering not splitting up the dogs, correcting the schedule she'd put together b/c it did not give me D every Thursday as our divorce papers state (XW clearly was hoping I'd not mention it so she could avoid my having D for four days in a row every other week), and discussing setting up an appointment w/ the pension attorney.
W wrote back about the dogs and was testy and also asked about coming to the house to inventory our joint assets that have yet to be divided between us. We exchanged a few e-mails then I took D back to XW.
I dropped off D and went to my bi-weekly therapy appointment and when I called later to talk w/ D, XW dominated the conversation and talked about D's difficulty w/ our divorce. "She's having a really hard time w/ this right now and she wasn't this way until you told her a judge had been involved. Since then, she's really struggled w/ this and has been talking a lot to me about it."
So, XW is blaming me for D having difficulty. Go figure. I stood up for myself w/out getting angry and told XW that I had consulted therapists who guided me to this age-appropriate message. XW's response was "she was fine when she didn't know what was going on and now that she does, she's really struggling w/ it."
Ok, on Sunday, D told me that XW and her new boyfriend kiss sometimes and she was afraid to let me know b/c she thought I'd be mad at "mommy." D also told me that BF and his dog often have "sleep-overs" at their apartment. This is what is confusing D, NOT my telling her about a judge deciding where she'd live. XW is buried in denial about how her actions are affecting our daughter.
I'm very saddened by this, but I'm hamstrung. I can only work w/ D when I talk w/ her on the phone or see her during our time together. When she opened up to me on Sunday, I invited her to talk about how she felt about this and she said she was confused. I did relay this to XW tonight as well as the conversation D and I had, but I'm pretty sure it went in one ear and out the other b/c it was about how her actions are impacting D.
Again, it is frustrating, but I'm working to do the best I can from my end. I have no guilt about what I told her as well as my encouraging D to talk w/ me about her feelings this weekend. I even proposed to XW that we get D a counselor so she has a neutral person to talk with and I'm hoping we can do that for D's sake.
If XW won't come to grips w/ the reality of the effect her actions are having on D, then maybe a counselor can help D through her struggles. I do worry about my D and this was the number one thing I was concerned w/ when XW moved out - her parading men in front of D and the impact that will have on our child.
I think I need to directly tell XW that maybe some of D's confusion comes from her relationship w/ BF. I'm not sure it would make a difference however as she's deeply in denial, so she'll never recognize what she's doing until she begins to take some responsibility for her actions. They may be serving ice water in Hell before that happens.
