I stopped doing whta he suggested because it did hurt, didn't seem to help and because it takes time in my day that I don't have.
The neighbor is flirting and definitely pushing it a bit far. I think he's hoping to get something out of it, see my previous post to MWG - the art about the pretty legs. That part really got me worried. It's harrassment.
And a month ago, I did mention to my H but he didn't say anything. That was before he stopped by to help and sleep over. Maybe it made him jealous enough to come over and spend time with me... I don't know.
I am sorry to hear what you are going through. But also puzzled as to why you are choosing to allow this neighbor to terrorize you? Please remember...there are NO victims in life...only volunteers. Why you are choosing to give your power away.
You wrote:
Quote:
The neighbor - well the problem is I walk my dog past his house everyday twice a day. If I take a different route, he's going to ask why.
So what if he notices and confronts you about your decision to walk a different way?
You can then either... a) choose to be tactful and evasive ...or b) choose to be truthful.
a) "I just felt like a change -- so dog and I are going to be taking different routes."
OR
b) "I've decided to take a new route b/c your comments make me uncomfortable."
Most importantly he is being very inappropriate and also VERY disrespectful to you, your H and your marriage. And in fact, that is probably the most appropriate response.
IMO you need to stop him in his tracks in a much more effective manner. Take control of this situation. Your passivity is what is giving him license and emboldening him.
Summer, I did take your advice this evening and walked a different (longer) route. I agree that I needed to do something but I also didn't want to hurt his feelings and write him off especially since I should be Christianly compassionate. It was a matter to deciding what I should do. It wasn't that I want to give power to him or enable his bad behavior. Not that straightforward.
I do really appreciate your concern.
Quote:
Please remember...there are NO victims in life...only volunteer
This statement you made really did hurt my feelings. I certainly am not enjoying this ordeal, which your statement implies. I am confident that it wasn't your intention to hurt. Perhaps it just came across that way to me.
I'm glad you walked another route today. IMO it isn't un-Christian to protect oneself from disrespectful and inappropriate behavior in an effective, yet respectful manner. I truly believe that if Jesus witnessed your encounters with this man -- that He would speak to him and help your neighbor to understand how disrespectful he is being to you.
Your neighbor crossed many lines IMO -- and to allow him to continue with this type of "banter" doesn't serve either of you. In fact, putting a stop to it -- could potentially help him to perhaps grow into a better man and husband if you choose to honor yourself.
I am sorry that the "Please remember...there are NO victims in life...only volunteers" statement hurt your feelings. But it in no way implies that you were enjoying the ordeal! I honestly don't have a clue as to how or why you projected that meaning into such a well-known saying.
What it means is that we almost always have the ability to have some control over situations. And thus, no one can walk all over us unless we choose to lie down and choose to allow it. Therefore if we choose not to do something to attempt to stop and/or remedy a situation -- we then have to accept the fact that we are part of the problem.
You're such a strong, capable woman -- so when I read your post today -- I was surprised that someone of your skill and caliber would allow such a lowlife to intimidate you -- to the point that you were uncomfortable to even walk your dog another route -- b/c your neighbor would ask you why.
You're better than that -- and deserve to be treated by everyone with respect -- and I was angry for you about your neighbor's boorish behavior.
We are all both students and teachers in each others lives. Perhaps you are supposed to be your neighbor's teacher in this instance.
Summer, Thanks so much for clarifying the statement and your intentions. I may come across as strong and capable to people. However, often times I have also felt less strong and taken advantage of, like in the tradesman ordeal. Sometimes maybe the "strength" comes from my determination to avoid being taken advantage of, if you know what I mean.
My H thinks I am strong (and probably thinks I am too strong). I think I might come across that way in trying to protect myself from being "bullied", when I think I am in danger of that.
I do think that these 2 incidents, like any thing in life, happen for a reason and to teach me something.
Thanks for being angry at my neighbor for me. It's such a shame that he had to spoil things for everyone. It'll take quite something for me to feel safe again. I think he senses I am upset but doesn't feel comfortable bringing it up.
From time to time over the years, he tries to make it light by "almost demanding that I smile". Recently, to one of these times, I responded with "I don't feel like smiling". Then he said "Aren't you happy to see me?" Well, I said "No". I bet that surprised him...
Maybe Imageer and I should pay the neighbor a visit! (cracks nuckles).
Seriously though, it sounds like the neighbor should hear that he has severely overstepped boundaries and undesired attention.
Yeah, that would be great if you both can pay him a visit. Thanks for "offering".
I wish my H would step up and tell him off, but of course he won't feel that he's in the position to do that since we're separated. I don't think the 2 of them like each other. Very soon after my H moved out 2 years ago, this neighbor wanted to find out more but I zipped my lips. He proceeded to bad-mouth my H!! Maybe he saw my H as competition. He knew me before my M because I lived there before my H came in the scene.
Maybe Imageer and I should pay the neighbor a visit! (cracks nuckles).
I'm in!
He is over the line but I think you still need to be polite because you still need to live next to him. But at the same time you need to tell him in no uncertain terms that you are not interested. Maybe next time he tells you that you have nice legs tell him that he should go tell his wife that because you are saving your nice legs for your husband.
Just a thought.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
Imagine his wife finding out about this. I wonder if he has done this to other women in the neighborhood.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Imageer, Thanks. I wish he never says anything about my legs again. He probably already thinks that my H is never coming back. That's why he has been making passes at me. I think his wife is aware of it (from Day 1). I sensed her "jealousy" or something" all these years. It certainly isn't anything I am doing because I have never shown any interest in her H. He's all hers. Me not interested!!
