Suppose there is such a place as over the rainbow?

[tpaschal]

Mrs. H,

I would ask how you are, but I think that would be a stupid question right now. Maybe it's because I'm tired of people asking me that same question. <sigh> I will be in your shoes (house put on the market) in a few short weeks, and we go to trial on Nov. 3.

I would DEFINITELY have it put in any and all legal papers that no visitors of the opposite sex are allowed for overnight visits while JA has the possession of the boys. It's a fairly standard thing in most states. You just have to know to ask for it. Of course, if JA marries the OW right away, as I'm sure will happen with my H and his bimbo, there's nothing you can do. But until that time? Hell, yes. Do it. NOW.

This has nothing to do with turning your boys against the JA or his OW, this has to do with teaching them right and wrong according to God's word. Don't talk to your lawyer about the morality of it, tell him that for you it is a religious issue. States get very antsy (because of lawsuits) about interfering in religious practices.

Please know that I am right there with you in how you feel about losing your home. I know it's just a pile of wood and bricks, and that we'll make our own new place and new memories and blah, blah, blah.... I don't want to hear it right now. I want time to grieve the dreams that went along with this specific pile of wood and bricks. I want time to try to get over the memories of house hunting for this specific house, of H falling in love with it, of it being our perfect dream home.......

Hugs to you.
TP

[Andabelle]

Let it all out, Mrs. H. Makes me wanna cry just reading reading about it.

I hate your H right now.

[TRUSTING]

Mrs. H,

Reading your posts are difficult for me because it reminds me of all the same issues/pain I went through this time last year.

I hate what he is doing/teaching your children.

My ex did exactly the same thing with my children. My youngest is 3.

I did not think I would make it through it. All I can say is that talking about it never worked. They don't care, in fact they want to do the opposite of what you want.

I just continue to talk to my kids about morality and what is appropriate and what is not. I do not hesitiate to let them know that what daddy is doing is wrong.

Eventually your kids will know and feel who the stable parent is. I don't know how to explain it, but my kids know that daddy does not put them as his priority. It is sad, but if you talk to your kids continually about what is happening it helps them adjust better.

I am sorry you are going through this. He is making an ass out of himself and only thinking of himself.

You are not alone in this....

[momof2girls]

Oh MrsH! I am so sorry. When H and I were S my biggest fear was OW being with my children. This OW had no morals (DUH!!) and I did not want that caliber of person around my babies.

Unfortunately, I think once your divorce is final, you have no say in who JA brings around the children unless you feel they are in danger.

While you are still going through the D, you have every right to have it stated in your S papers that JA has no unrelated overnight guests of the opposite sex while he has the boys.

This is infuriating and I know nothing I can say can help you. Do not say anything to him about this...he will do it and flaunt it to make it worse for you.

JA is being selfish. All he cares about is HIS happiness (which I don't think he is..)he doesn't care about his kids well-being at all!!

I am sure he does not see it like this at all...just continue to love and protect your children and yourself...

You will get through this and be ok..thinking of you!

[tpaschal]

Unfortunately, I think once your divorce is final, you have no say in who JA brings around the children unless you feel they are in danger.

While you are still going through the D, you have every right to have it stated in your S papers that JA has no unrelated overnight guests of the opposite sex while he has the boys.

Mrs. H,

Momof2 may be right (TP waves at Momof2...Hi!), but I would still check with your lawyer. "No unrelated overnight visitors of the opposite sex during possession times" is a fairly standard part of the visitation rules in my state, both during and after a divorce, if you know to ask for it.

I think here the standard is 10 or 11pm to 6 or 7am, but I asked for 8pm to 8am, which would be a little before my younger kids bedtime to a little after when they would normally be up. I actually went further and asked that NO person with whom my H had a romantic or dating relationship be allowed around my children AT ALL during our separation. Once the D is final I'm sure that won't continue, but the "no overnight visitors" will, until he marries her. Ugh.

But don't mention it to JA at all. Go straight to your lawyer with this one. If you can get it put in, great. If not, then at least you asked. Just my 2 cents.

TP

[tpaschal]

P.S. If your L says it is possible and is fairly standard in your state as it is in others, maybe your L can just add it in to the divorce papers without making a big deal about it. The opposing L might not even notice it to bring it to JA's attention. If JA signs off on the papers, then it is court ordered whether he knows it or not! <evil cackle>

[MissH]

Hi all, thanks for your responses.

I did not sleep well last night as this all has my head spinning.

I did speak with my lawyer's daughter this morning (she just passed the bar and is working for her father now, she called me about something else). Anyway, I told her what was going on and she couldn't believe it. She doesn't blame me for being upset and is going to talk to her father to see what can be done as she agrees it is damaging to the children to see it. She said we may be able to get it where there is no over nights but I am not holding my breath.

I also found out that JA left the boys with the ow over the weekend so he could go to work. It is in the stipulation that she is NOT allowed to watch them. So right there he bent the rules. He probably figures he can get away with it as he gets away with everything. He is probably right.

I have not mentioned at all to him what the boys told me. It won't do no good.

This whole thing really has me sick. I am the boys mother and I can't do anything to protect them from all this crap.

I did voice my concerns with the boys yesterday. Letting them know what their father and ow are doing is not right. I told them that God frowns upon it.

S7 he really doesn't care that ow sleeps over and shares a bed with their father.

So it seems that JA has them brainwashed into believing it's ok.

I let S7 know it's NOT ok.

My worst fear is that my boys will grow up to be just like JA.

When we brought them into this world we had them same set of values and morals, now I am the only one who still has them and I am trying to install them in my children but it's not working if JA is teaching them the total opposite.

S4 also told me last night that he loves the ow. I thought I was going to throw up.

I feel so replaceable.

What good am I?

[a new 2moro]

I also found out that JA left the boys with the ow over the weekend so he could go to work. It is in the stipulation that she is NOT allowed to watch them

uhmmmm...he is in contempt.....you should force this one

[momof2girls]

UGH...he loves the OW??? I don't think S4 means this in its true sense. She is probably nice to him and spoils him. I know you hate all this but at least you know that the boys are not miserable when they are with their father.

If OW is not supposed to watch the kids and they were left alone with her contact your L...he is in contempt of court!!! When H and I started dating his xw prohibited him to let the kids be around me...they were already D'd...I was not OW and she still enforced it, this got to the point (over 2 years before I met my stepsons!) that they had to go to court and the judge ordered her to let me meet the kids unless she felt I was a danger to them. I guess the difference between me and the OW's out there is that I respected her wishes and would only see H when the boys were not around...Once I did meet the kids there were still NO overnights. They did not see us in the same bed until we got married!! We lived together and H would sleep on the couch when we had the boys.

Sooo my point is you have a very strong voice being a mom...you can push and push for as many rights as you can!!

[MissH]

He is in contempt of court and something better be done about it.

I just spoke with one of JA's sisters.

She told me that JA and the ow are going to be buying a house together.

SIL also overheard them talking about the school districts too.

Which means that they probably are planning on having kids together.

lovely.

I feel like I wasted my time over the last 2 1/2 years trying to mend our R.

What a joke.