Another one bites the dust (2)

[No Longer BH]

lwb, thanks for stopping back by. Do I think STBXH is having doubts...no, I dont. I think his actions are all about him. He left a W who could be dying from cancer for a needy unattractive OW. He is trying to relieve his guilt by being nice to me. Nothing more. If I start to read into his actions I will be going down a road where I am hanging on his every word, looking for that little sign of hope. I have come to the belief that as long as they have OW, they are not going to be looking at us. We are the annoying nats buzzing around them looking for attention when all they want to do is swat us. I refuse to be that anymore. I have told him over and over I would be willing to work on R, he just shook his head and said I would be nothing more than a friend to him. I need to move on.

By removing myself from the sitch I am allowing myself to heal and move on in my life. I had a friend tell me he needs to see me succeeding and moving forward, while he is still stuck in the same place. That this is where he MAY start thinking about what he really wants from his life. He doesn't have to go there as long as he knows I still haven't gone anywhere. A man who is really ready to commit and work on the marriage will end it with OW, and mine has not.

When I got back from my trip I found his computer bag and went through it. I know, I know, not my finest moment. He had all of the paper work needed for the mediation ready to go. Made me see that if he wasnt sure, he would not be that prepared. So, here I am being very friendly but closed off as well. I do not email him, but he does not email me either. I do not answer the phone when he calls, but he rarely calls. I dont not tell him any of my plans (although he does ask when I am walking out the door). I am just acting as if my life is great even though it is falling completely apart at times. I know that it will get better and am counting on that.