Mrs. H, It's not that you went wrong. Your h has a lot of resolved issues from his childhood and life tossed him some triggers that triggered the re-evaluation of his life. I honestly don't believe that there would have been anything you could have done differently that would have changed the course of his life's journey. If he had not hooked up with the young ow, he would have hooked up with someone else. Unfortunately, they just never grew up and we grew up a long time ago. They are on a mission to find themselves and no matter what, many of them leave a trail of destruction behind.
I'm so sorry you are feeling down and miss life as it once was. It's very difficult, especially with two small children. No one wants to be here and none of has deserved what they've been dishing out to us. I truly believe that most of the marriages/relationships here could have been saved had the spouses been rational and communicated w/us. We are not mind readers, nor do we have crystal balls that can predict what will happen. It's very unfortunate how they deal w/life. Everything could have been done differently, i.e., a more mature and rational way.
I wish that I could give you a hug.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Snodderly, you words are always comforting enough.
So I have a big issue right now with JA.
I don't know what I can do about it.
S7 tells me that the ow usually sleeps there at JA's place now while they are there.
I asked S7 where everyone sleeps.
He said that the ow and and his father usually sleep in the same bed and him and his brother will sleep on the pull out couch. But a lot of times S4 will go join JA and ow in their bed and then the 3 of them sleep together.
I am so mad right now.
I just don't think I can let this one slide.
I think it is totally inappropriate.
Does he care at all the damage he is doing to our children?
I already don't like the idea of the ow sleeping there while they are there but then to sleep with JA while technically we are still married and then allow s4 to share their bed also.
We brought these 2 children into the world and BOTH agreed to raise them with certain morals. Now I am the only one with morals and he is raising them completely different.
I have no control over what my kids are exposed to.
Mrs. H, I fully understand why you are so upset. You have every right to be. This is an issue that your lawyer needs to deal with. When my exH and I separated, I had it put in the legal separation papers that my ex could not have any overnight guests of the opposite sex that he was not married to when he had the kids. Needless-to-say, he didn't have the kids overnight more than once or twice. And, of course, he made sure the same applied to me (which was not an issue).
Is it possible for you to have something like this put in your court documents?
Unfortunately I have no idea how you can actually stop this from happening, unless it could be in your divorce papers, and its really not enforceable anyway.
My only advice is DO NOT CALL tonight, or even tomorrow. Let yourself calm down first. You have the boys right? So you know they are safe and sound, just sit on this for a day or so. It'll do you a lot of good.
Deb, I will speak to my lawyer tomorrow about it, but I know he is just going to tell me there is nothing we can do about it. It seems that the courts in NY don't care about the moral aspects of raising kids. They say the kids interest comes first, yeah right. Totally bogus.
lwb, I also decided not to say anything to him right now. My dad thinks I should, but I know it's just going to lead into a fight, he's going to tell me to grow up and mind my own business and then I will be even more upset.
