she's queen of the sympathy stories, all her friends are so sad for her, so sorry she's had to live in such misery for oh so long. of course, she never mentions the OM to them, Oh No, that would negate the poor poor me stories right off.
it's like I told my L and the mediator yesterday..somebody has tot be the victim..she has to be the victim..so let her wallow in the "victim" role..The ones who are around her who are worth anything will see the real truth one of these days..
ah yes Mike, the truth will come out and everyone will know what i know now. no one wants to believe me, well, people who know me and know i would never lie about something like this, they believe me. and her friends and family will know soon enough.
but most importantly, I know. I know i was a DAM, but I also know that is no excuse for her choices and actions.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Hey KenF: A bit of advice here about dealing with visitation - stay strong and firm - but also do your best to stay calm. This stuff gets really messy fast - and if you let your darker side come out you may not get what you hope for - remember, always strive to do what is right - and here, it's all about your D - despite how much your STBX might make it about her...
I'm dealing with a lot of this same stuff right now - and any talk of visitation makes my W crazy...even when I suggested that I wanted at least 50/50 - she interpreted it as my saying that I want more than 50 - not sure how she does math...but she's in a different place entirely.
Be the better person - don't let your STBX's actions or temperament define or influence you - she's going to try even harder to push your buttons now - prove that she's right, wounded, the victim, etc...
I hear you Carlos. its just easy to let the rage boil. two months ago, any time i said my D's name during our R talk would cause the STBXW to fly off the handle and accuse me of throwing it in her face. Now, its her trying to use my D against me.
i think this also has to do with my workout schedule being tuesdays and thursdays and she's just f-ing with me trying to take that away from me.
i'm sure her schedule will somehow have me missing my workouts. that is if she ever proposes a schedule. and whatever comes i'll deal with. if it comes down to it i'll bring my D with me, or maybe ask my friend, who is the instructors wife and lives around the block from the gym to watch her for that hour.
received a letter from her lawyer today asking for financial information, past tax forms, IRA, stock and gold bullion info, savings accounts, etc. every penny of which came directly from me. aggrevating how STBXW never had anything to add to our savings, but now wants what i've worked so hard for.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
I sure hope your W can work with you to iron out a good schedule that works for you. What I found best is consistency so that I could do like you want to do - have my own personal schedule (ie workouts, golf lessons). I know that I always have Wed and Thur without the kids and it sure helps on planning.
Uggh on getting all the financial information together for discovery - I've had to do it multiple times throught the long march to a D. I also come up with values of things before marriage. My W's L is respecting that and not try to split up anything that was not gained during the marriage. What is even worse is coming up with a affidavit budget so the L's know how much you can afford for support.
Hi Ken, I know what you mean about the frustrations - it feels like talking with someone that just doesn't use words in the way they were intended anymore (at least that's been my experience).
The finances are a big pain - I've already started to deal with that - and we're not even at the full D yet. I'm just trying to stay rational and clam and not fall for any of the traps she's trying to set up - she's becoming such a scheming person of late - I just don't trust anything she says or does anymore - and so I rely on my sense of reason to see me through - since I think she tries to use frustration to trip me up...remember, your STBX probably knows exactly what to say or do to get to you - which is why you may have to work extra hard to stay calm. If you can get a mediator instead of a lawyer - if that's at all possible for your sitch - it could help a lot. That's what I'm hoping to do.
she finally presented me with 2 alternate schedules, both of which conflicted with my Tues/Thurs workout schedule, as i expected. both were messy and had no real consistancy, 4 days on 4 days off. and then something i never could figure out what she was thinking.
of course with her schedules i could never make any plans without first referring to the calendar.
so i stood my ground and let her know that i felt that in the big scheme of things the issues our daughter will have through her life, dealing with the schedule and being passed back and forth 4 times a week will the the least of her problems. I told her that regardless of schedule our daughter will have issues because of the divorce she wanted. and of course she claimed she didnt want the divorce and I'M going around playing the victim role. wtf?
I accepted none of her BS. I was more forceful than ever before in our R, usually i'll just accept whatever comes my way and avoid conflict. not any more.
so after all was said and done she went out with a friend and came home saying she didnt intend to start a fight (BS!) and that my schedule was fine all along.
the gloves came off when she hired an aggressive lawyer who is going after everything i own.
my STBXW has never in her life been able to save, regardless of her payscale and bills. she always finds a way to spend more than she makes. on the other hand i have always lived well below my means and gone without to save for the future. Now her L is claiming she deserves half of it all and i'm responsible for half her debt. just really irks me.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Ken, you are right in not wanting your 2.5 year old daughter passed around four times per week! She needs consistency right now, my STBX and I have a weekly schedule where I get the girls one week, she the next. Of course, our girls are older than your daughter. Please remember through all this to keep the needs of you daughter paramount, it's hard to do when you're hurting. It does suck to know that you're the saver and she the spender yet you have to give her half what you saved. Sadly, that's the way the ballgame gets played. Do what you can to put a damper on resentment as it will eat you alive. Say "this sucks" and let it go! Btw, congrats on holding your ground, it feels good doesn't it!
