She doesn't really come and go as she pleases. We're talking about maybe once or twice a week. The rest of her time is scheduled.
I do make myself scarce when she is here. Usually I go out of the house. Yes it is my house but as I said, I prefer they see her here instead of 'there'.
This morning she called to talk about D13's issues at school. She's not doing homework for one class and has lied to us about it. Bad idea. W want's her computer / gaming privileges revoked and I agree also. So I agreed to revoking them this entire week, till friday. No problem, she asked me to 'make sure I do it' because I'm a pushover for my girls. Whatever.
Her voice is very indifferent. So we've made it to that point now.
She reminded me that she is leaving tomorrow to go to her massage training / retreat for a week. She has 'told the girls' and is spending the afternoon with D17.
So, I asked her if she was going to transfer the $60 that she has agreed to pay me each week before she leaves. (It's not much but it's something. I pay for everything else except health care which she pays $350 per month)
She then went on about how she is dead broke and can barely pay to eat. So, I said "Then why are you going on a retreat for a week that you can't afford to pay for and you'll miss a week of work?"
Silence.
Then she says that she will find a way to pay the $60 and that her other phone was ringing and she had to go.
A little later she texted me that she will transfer the $60 later today.
I wasn't mean, or angry, just putting it out there that her choices affect me financially.
Remember, she was the one who offered to pay $60 per week to cover her car insurance which I pay, and half the cell phone plan which includes her and the kids phones.
I didn't say anything like "Well I pay for everything else". I just asked her to honor her commitments.
You handled that well. You don't need to justify yourself by saying that you pay for everything else. I think you handled that perfectly. She needs the reality checks. You did, and you should, stay neutral when you are simply asking if she is going to follow through on her responsibilities.
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
She then went on about how she is dead broke and can barely pay to eat. So, I said "Then why are you going on a retreat for a week that you can't afford to pay for and you'll miss a week of work?"
Silence.
Silence is guilt talking.
Sounds like she has some peer pressure getting her to make some really bad decisions right now.
Let me guess, they are telling her things like...
Reality is Nothing, and Nothing is reality.
The essence of time and space is fluxuating as the vibe continues on and on.
SPACE IS COLLAPSING TO CREATE A NEW DIMENSIONAL TIME REALITY AND IT IS UP FOR GRABS.
Here's an interesting story. Was talking to my brother tonight. As you may recall we haven't been in touch in 10 years.
He was telling me that he had 2 breakups with his W in the past 10 years. The last breakup she said she wanted a divorce. IN previous breakups he 'begged her back' but this time he said "Ok, let's get a divorce".
He went to his lawyers, had the papers drawn up with HER as the plantiff. As he said to me, it wasn't him who wanted the divorce, it was her. They both signed it and at the present time they are divorced.
Now, he tells me they are living together and their relationship is better than ever. Why? Because he decided not to 'beg her back' any more. He would be hurt if she was gone, but not devastated.
She, on the other hand, went from "You need to get your work done!" to "How can I help you, we're in this together".
Sounds like she has some peer pressure getting her to make some really bad decisions right now.
Let me guess, they are telling her things like...
Good guess. It's more like this:
You've been prevented from your growth! You need to connect with someone who is more like you! Frank has been stuck in his depression and drinking too long at night, you need to be free from that (as opposed to helping him, you can't make someone be happy, they have to do it them self)
You met a guy who is sensitive, and 'connected to spirit'. Well, he doesn't have a real job and he's not an A type real man but he's so good for you.. You deserve (I like the 'deserve' type of comment) to be HAPPY.
Your kids, husband who was in a depression, and even the dogs don't deserve to stand in the way of you being happy.
She said that to me "Why isn't all right for me to be happy?"
How do you answer that? It is all right for her to be happy. Why doesn't she CHOOSE to be happy and take her family with her?
W came to take the girls to school this morning. Usual routine of making breakfast for D13, making her lunch. Does some dishes.
She doesn't make coffee so I make some and ask her if she wants some. She says she makes coffee at her friends house now.
She gets on her computer and transfers the $60 into the joint account and prints a receipt so I will know she did it. Weird.
I thank her for it and take a moment to tell her that I have no intention right now of hitting her up for child support, that I know she's having a hard time getting on her feet. I don't want her to worry that I'll do something to force her to pay me.
She says that she worries about that, because she knows I pay for everything and she should be helping with groceries and other bills. She says 'at least I can pay the health insurance for the girls this month'
She is a little emotional and I just say "Well, just don't worry that I'm going to attack you for child support right now. I'm not the kind of person who kicks someone when they're down. I've been kicked when I'm down and I know how it feels"
Then I left the room. In the past months I had told her on several occasions how she has always kicked me when I was down. Wonder if she got the reference?
A few minutes later I came back into the kitchen. She was making eggs for D13 and asked me if I would like her to make some for me. I accepted the offer.
Then she told me that while she's away for 7 days at her retreat / training classes she would get a calling card so she could use the payphone to call the girls. The place they go to has no cell coverage. On previous trips I had arranged a toll free number she could call that would forward to us. I didn't offer to do that this time.
However, I did remind her that we have unlimited long distance on the home phone so she could save money if she calls, tells the girls the payphone number and has them call her back.
She thanked me for that. It was the least I could do.
She took off with D13, and said goodbye to me. A few minutes later she called because D13 (again) forgot her locker key. So she came back to get it. I walked it out to her car and she was smiling, so I smiled, handed her the key and said 'bye' and walked away.
Overall I was positive and upbeat, even nice to her when we spoke. She responded by being nicer also. She still tracks my mood.
She's losing me. I wonder if it matters to her? Doesn't seem to.
