H moving out!! Crisis I need help

[TxMomw/2girls]

Thanks everyone... boy I needed the support... I am in a much better place today than this weekend.

I really do try to focus on the fact that the OW is the symptom to the problem and for me I've been able to separate it and really try to look at the disconnect our marriage had.

As you mentioned it is hard when they leave the house b/c they are not here all the time to feel the sin.. interesting enough my H has had emotion and tears the last two weeks when he has been at the house watching the kids.. I'm not alway there BUT it makes him remember what he had....

I did backslide a little last night when I talked to him.. I was very calm ... he brought up this apartment he is looking at (furnished apt) and we discussed money a bit too.. he talks so certain sometimes but I just went along with it this time ... I did mention what is the rush, why rushing into this R with OW, why rush into divorce, why not just take some time, be on your own etc... he just listened..

He did get mad at some point and said why is everyone telling or acting like I'm so sick, or unhealthy ...and I said who is telling you this... I'm not... but he definitely is still in a place of finding justification for his actions, trying to confirm that leaving the marriage is the right thing to do ...

I agree having him around is better, but I also have been given the advice to play the tough love route too... like around the Holiday's... he brought it up that he will not be around my family for the holiday's - I didn't say anything.. part of me wants him to suffer and realize how it really is going to be if he divorces me - part of me wants him to spend it with us... too soon to tell and not sure what will work best....

I agree though, playing it cool, friendly, fun gives him no further justification that leaving the marriage is the right thing to do like anger or crying would do. I think he just thinks I should be over this like he is... your right though.. I think this has been boiling up for longer than I knew and he has just snapped...

Today I'm not even sure I'd want him back... actually I don't want the old man back I want a better healthier man back and not sure right now if he is willing to do the work to get there... He mentioned he had talked to a priest (I wonder though) and he said well you know they are pro-marriage .. I should have said - yeah of course they are.. like he doesn't want to talk to anyone that is for saving the marriage - he doesn't want to hear it. I mentioned that what harm is talking to a counselor to work through what he is feeling.. he said our MC counselor was telling him all the things he didn't want to hear... I said if he goes by himself she'll just help him sort out his feelings and allow us to better communicate... who knows...

I'm going to keep reading and working on my DB/DR skills and take it one day at a time...

thanks for continued support