WAW - Possible MLC I need help, WAWs advice

[thrillisgone]

LD = Your feelings are natural and normal. When my ExW walked out I was not only devastated but in shock. Her behavior was crazymaking at its finest. She lied, she contradicted herself, she engaged in revisionist history, she was drinking heavily, she played head games etc etc etc. These things screw with your head on top of the loss of your best friend, wife, life partner.

BUT, you have to keep it together. You can't backslide or become cocky or even think for a minute you've got this figured out. When we say drop the rope and let go we mean it. Remember we said don't do the break job? Remember we said don't discuss this with your MIL? You've been told that this won't resolve it self quickly and that this is not a sprint but a marathon. You've got to understand that even if you do everything correctly she may never come back. I know it is hard to hear that but it is true. even if she did come back this quickly the problems would be far from over with. This is a journey she has to take and finish on her own.

I know you're hurting. I'm sorry. I feel for you and I understand. You didn't ask for this. Sometimes when we get left behind we as an LBS see only our profound loss and fail to look at the marriage as a whole, with a critical eye. Your W is involved with an OM and this is totally unacceptable She has choosen to complicate matters on a physical and emotional level. If she was unhappy in the marriage she could have done a myriad of different things of a positive nature, to help expose and take care of the problems. Instead she committed emotional homicide or as I heard it once expressed "the house needed painting so she burned it down".

Not exactly a recipe for success in relationships or life. People who run away and fill in the voids of their life with alcohol and affairs and blame never solve anything...until they stop running and face the internal angst. You, me or your MIL can not force them to stop running.

The best we can do is let them go and 1. Hope they get tired and slow down enough to have some internal dialouge 2. hope that our positive actions stimulate introspection.

Then maybe, just maybe they will come to the table and begin the work needed to address the marriage. This is why affairs are so damaging. They add a whole layer of crap on top of the real problems that need to be addressed.