I'm here........

[SueS]

Good (rainy) Monday Morning-

It's a typical fall morning. Rainy, beautiful colors on the trees, cool outside. I love it!

Well, the weekend was good. My parents arrived around 5:00 on Friday. D4 was so excited to see them and show them her new short haircut. My mom took a picture of the two of us (now both with short hair), so I'll send it to a few of you.

We went out for dinner on Friday evening and H actually joined us. He and my folks did very well. We had a good time. On Sat., H worked, my folks to D4 to an apple orchard and me.....I got about 5 hours ALL TO MYSELF!! It was wonderful. I helped H with a few things when he got home and then I headed off to my company party. I was supposed to go back home later and pick H up, but he decided to just stay home. Instead of running home to sit with him, I decided to stay for a while. It was fun. The theme was Oktoberfest. We had a great band, german food, german beer.....just a lot of fun.

Then, the fun ended when I got home. I decided to take a look at H's phone. I hadn't seen any calls in about a week. Well, there was a call to her about 1/2 hr. before I got home. H had been drinking earlier in the night.....and so had I. Big mistake to start something. H had sobered up a bit by the time I got home, but was asleep on the couch. I woke H up....

I got ANGRY....
Me: Why the "F" are you still calling her?
H: I don't know. Don't worry about it.
Me: Did you talk to her?
H: No.
Me: Did you leave her a message?
H: No.
Me: Then what good did it do you to call her?
H: I don't know.
Me: You're words and some of your actions are telling me that you want to be here but other actions are saying that you haven't let go of her yet.
Me: Do you understand that every time you call her, you might as well kick me in the stomach or slap me in the face? That's how it makes me feel.
Me: H, is it over?
H: Yes.
Me: Then let it go.

A few minutes later.......
Me: H, all I wanted this weekend was to spend time with you. D4 is with Grandma & Grandpa. I just wanted to have fun with you...just with you.

I just walked away and went to bed.

Yesterday I got up and went to church. I stopped by the hotel and picked my parents & D4 up on the way. It was nice. Then we all went back to our place. H had offered to cook for all of us. He was fine all day. H had bought tickets for Playhouse Disney Live for D4, myself & my mom. We went last night and D4 had a blast. I dropped them off at the hotel and went home. H was quiet, but talked to me a little more.

That's about where things are at. Me seeing a few things from H that say he wants to be here, but still seeing things that say he doesn't and that he's having a hard time letting go of OW.

I need to get busy at work!!

Have a great day.

-SueS