Sorry for all that you are going through. To say that it is difficult when a spouse decides to check out is such an understatement.
It seems like you and your husband have had difficulties for some time, with both of you having issues that would benefit from some good counseling. You seem very depressed, and that is a natural by product of having your spouse tell you that they are not interested anymore. But natural or not, depression keeps us from being at our best, so help should be sought.
I was NEVER a counseling or pill person. Hardly ever even went to the Doctor for that matter. When my ex took off, I was a mess. Eventually I asked my doctor for something, and he gave me some anti-depressants. I didn't use them long, but between the medecine and a wonderful counselor, I soon began picking myself up.
Your husband has NOT left. And while his behavior is inappropriate and scattered, there still seems to be some sense of right and wrong left in him. These are positives I see in your situation. Honestly, with a previous track record of infidelity already on his chart, he could easily be gone if he wanted to be.
So what do you do? How do you deal with things when the world seems to be falling around you?
Step number one is to heal YOURSELF. You are depressed, and you've shared issues that you brought to the marriage that made things worse. All of these things, to me at least, sound like things that could be worked out with a counselor and time. This is really something that you should STRONGLY consider, if even just for your own future well being.
Sounds like you've done well at leaving your husband be. Pressure and pleading rarely does anything but drive a spouse further away. You've allowed him some control in things at home, and I think this is a good thing. Just make sure you keep an eye on finances. He can do them, but you should know what's going on also.
Your faith can and should be a source of strength and energy during this time. Turn your cares over to God, knowing full well that God expects us to MOVE, not sit around and wait for the miracle.
Take care of yourself FIRST. It will better enable you to deal with your husband.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
