Sitting at the airport in Warsaw waiting for my flight to Paris...
Wanted to add something for those using the Secret. I'd been asking for H to ask me home before October 9th. I don't feel manipulative about this as my assumption is that he still loves me, and my request appeals to the part of him who knows this. So, it was October 6th that he offered up the trial living sitch. This was not really what I had been looking for, but I went back to some of those draft letters I'd written, with no intention of sending, and there were a few about trialing living together.
My point is I think I got what I asked for, just wasn't entirely clear in my request. I'm working on this now...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Wow...so see!!! Just write another letter that is more specific!! LoL.
Figure it this way ITH, a trial living situation is way better than, "I'm done, find some place else to live". You have a great opportunity with this 'trial'. I keep telling you that I wish I had that option right now!!!
Yes I think H is softening to me. This is why he is also somewhat OK with me being there Thursday through Monday coming up. Of course not sure how much he's actually OK, but he didn't act upset, and only a few weeks ago he said he'd never want me to stay the night.
I am planning instead of the "Trial" to try and just do days here and there between trips, and let him know that if he's uncomfortable, I always have someplace to go, and then maybe go of my own accord on a couple of days. I think something more natural like that would be less stressful for both of us. It would also give him more control, which he likes, by not tying him down to a timeframe.
Still haven't heard from him this weekend, a bit odd, but I have to work from my hotel soon so may see him online. Bottom line is I've decided that even if he asks me to stay tomorrow night I'm going to decline, unless it's accompanied by some amazing outpouring of love!
:)I will be writing that new and specific letter very soon.
Jus in my cab now headed to the suburbs of Paris...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I think you are doing well and that you have a good plan set in place as for handling this situation. Have you had a phone session with Jody recently? I can't remeber if you ever did or not. I wonder what she would say about all this. Although I think you have it covered on your own for now.
Have a good time in Paris and let us know if he reaches out.
I tried to set up a session with Jody, but she's on vacation until the 24th. Oh well...just means I'll have more to discuss with her when she gets back.
Thanks for checking in. I will def post if H reaches out tonight. If he doesn't, we prob won't talk til Tuesday as I'm literally doing interviews from 830-630 tomorrow then taking a 930 PM flight...the quiet is a little alarming I have to admit. I don't mind not hearing from him as much as the feeling like a storm is going to break.
Oh well, can't assume things as people say :).
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Just feeling a bit disappointed today. H did not reach out all weekend, even though he said that he would call. Last week we spent 2 nights together that went well, at least in my non-fog covered eyes. Today I'm in Paris, well not really, in a suburb on an MBA campus, flying back to Dublin late tonight, then staying in a hotel and flying to Poland at 6 AM. I am feeling like he is pretty mean. I am not sure how else to put that. I booked a hotel of my own accord so that I would not stay in OUR home, and he has not even said one thing to me like thank you, or cool, or even acknowledged that I am going to be there.
I am online now for a bit and so is he, and not one word to me. It is as-if he has decided to be as cold as possible.
Friday he was pretty nice and normal. Do I just continue to wait this out and not say a word? The silence is very unlike him, which is why I am so confused. I am getting back to Dublin on Thursday, and I just don't understand the total lack of contact. I feel like he really hates me now or has no respect for me, or wants to be done with me so much that he will do anything to push me away. I mean I just don't get treating someone this way. I am going through so much to give him the space and time that he wants, and he has never acknowledged this, not even been kind to me.
OK I don't mean to be so negative. I'm just feeling sick. I have a cold, and I can't call my best friend and talk to him about my day. Should I stay dark or should I send an IM? I feel resentment building up inside and I don't know if it's better to try and alleviate it by reaching out?
Ugh,
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
It is never the best time to reach out when you feel bad, although it is the time when you most want to. I learnt that the hard way. Only reach out when you are strong, otherwise they feel pressure and you may come across as needy.
OK I will not reach out. Was also thinking maybe he wouldn't want to bug me as he knows I'm on campus doing interviews, but I'll let it go. I think they can smell desperation as well as strength!
I mean when I was at the house last week and actively AVOIDED his IMs, he couldn't get enough of me. Now that I am looking for a crumb of affection, I get none. Guess by staying dark he won't know how bad I've been feeling anyway.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
H reached out, asked where I was. Just told him. Then he said I could stay tonight as we need the money. He's right, we do need the money. Then I said that I didn't want to crowd him, and he said it was fine, again the money. So I accepted this offer as I truly don't believe he'd make it if he didn't at least sort of want me to stay. After all he still wants another apartment and this is WAY more expensive than 1 night in a hotel with a free airport shuttle.
I feel like maybe I was a bit too eager...I also don't think he sounded very enthused about it.
Well we'll see...
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
