H deep in A & MLC, need support 4 roller coaster!

[Dawn of Hope]

Well, I think I managed to waste most of my weekend, which is not so good. I still have a pretty bad headache, which has been going on for about three days now. I finally took some ibuprofen for it tonight, but it didn't help much. That is normal for me--pain meds haven't worked for me for a number of years now, but I will still try them if I go for three days without any relief. At least I don't have headaches and such as much as I used to, before I became a vegetarian eleven years ago. I am pretty sure it was all the milk I used to drink that was giving me the headaches that I had daily for years, because they stopped cold when I stopped drinking milk, and I haven't drunk milk since then. Other dairy products don't seem to have that same effect, but sometimes I wonder.

Anyway, I am tired, headachy, and have too much work piled up. Mini-pity party!

But...I have work, so that means money coming in, and I am otherwise healthy, and today my H actually looked at me in a neutral way, instead of looking as though he hated me, and actually volunteered a little info about his day, which is not the norm! Babysteps...just keep on trying to do the right thing and DB out the wazoo...

I have also been struggling to get in my piano practice. I've been taking lessons with the same teacher for 10 years now, and she is great...she is quite a bit older than I am, and she also knows all about my sitch with H, and has given me a lot of support and advice (not always DB-friendly, but she respects my right to disagree), as she went through some similar experiences in her first M. So she knows why I have had trouble keeping up with things in my life, like practice, and is understanding, but has been encouraging me to get back on track. So I did manage to practice for about an hour total this weekend, which is a lot more than I have been getting in for a while now, so that's good!

I really feel like forgiveness is a key for me in my R with H, and I just can't seem to figure out how to forgive him, especially for things he has no immediate plans to discontinue doing. I have some books on forgiveness that I haven't made time to read yet, but I have done a fair amount of reading on the web (mostly). I just haven't figured out HOW to forgive and let go of those things, although I know all the reasons WHY. I don't need to be told what a good idea it is--I already know that. I just need help with how to get there.

Oh, this is really cool...I am sitting in my home office with the window open, and it's 2:30 a.m., and I just heard an owl hooting softly, three times now! I live in the suburbs, but not terribly far from forests and a river and fields, so occasionally there are some great wildlife sightings! Oh, wow...there are TWO of them! I can hear them overlapping each other, and the second one has a higher-pitched voice. They are apparently having an extensive discussion, because they have been hooting for about 20 minutes now! Wow, I wish I could see them, but just knowing they are there is great!

About five years ago, H and I were walking hand-in-hand through our neighborhood one night and I stopped cold and said softly, "Look!" We were between street lights, but there was enough light to see that just across the street from where we were, there was a big owl sitting on a mailbox. We watched for a couple of minutes, and then he opened his wings and swooped silently into the night. It was one of the more thrilling experiences of my life! More recently, H rescued a tiny bat (no more than 2 inches from nose to tail) from our swimming pool, and he hung out on our patio, suspended from the edge of the skimmer that H had used to fish him out, sleeping until evening, and then evidently headed off to catch some mosquitoes for dinner (we spent a lot of time watching him, going in and out of the house, and he disappeared between checks). He was so ugly that he was cute! And I was unaware that bats clean themselves with their tongues, just like cats do! It was so funny to watch him wash himself with his tiny pink tongue!

So anyway...must get some work done and go to bed. I don't think I will turn on any music...I'd rather listen to the owls!

Peace,
Dawn