Another one bites the dust (2)

[No Longer BH]

So, I just got back from a great weekend with my friends in Indiana. I cant believe how blessed I am to have so many wonderful people in my life. I was able to laugh and smile and feel really good. I could not ask for anything more.

I want to share a story about my closest friend. She was married to my STBXH brother for two years back when I was in my early 20s. She was not happy in her life and met another man that she worked with. She divorced my BIL and within 6 months was remarried to her new H. She saw him as her savior because he was the complete oposite of what my BIL is. After about 4 years of M to new H (who, I just want to add, is a very delightful person and worships the ground she walks on) she started to feel unhappy in her M. Instead of addressing the cracks that were appearing, she kept running away from the issues. Now she has been married to new H for 11 years and is doing all of the same things many WAS have done. She has rewritten history (never loved him), wants to run away and start a new life, nothing can fix the R...you all know the drill. The one thing she did NOT do was have an A. Over the last 6 months she has been opening up to me about how she feels and how she wants a D. IT really helped to have a WAS perspective many times on a sitch that I was going through with STBXH. I would want to say something to him to get him to "wake up" and she would tell me how it would make her feel (like please, havent you been controlling enough!!) She really is a great friend and a wonderful person, I just think she is lost. SHe thinks a D will free her and allow her to move on to happiness.

I, on the other hand, have giver her the perspective of the LBS. I think it was because of me that she actually did try to save her M at one point. She did put in her all for a short time to try and get the love back. Unfortunately, it was at a point where her new H was severly depressed and unable to fix anything.

So, here is where I am going with this. Two weeks ago she finally desided that staying M was making her depressed and she had to get out. She told her H she wanted a D. They live in Portland, OR and can print out the self divorce forms online (no kids). They agreed how everything should be divided and started to seperate out their finances. On Thursday, they took the forms to the court clerks office. She asked them if he wanted to get served or wanted to sign the paperwork saying he was served. He signed. She asked if they wanted to waive the 60 waiting period, they waived it. She asked if it was contested or uncontested...uncontested. SHe took the paper work and said that the judge would sign off on it in the morning and it would be done. They both stood looking at her with the deer in the headlights kind of stare and asked what did that mean. Apparently 24 hours later they are now officially D. She called me crying saying she did not think it would happen that fast and she is really scared. She keeps occialting between she wanted the D and regret. The one thing she kept saying over and over again, though, was that she regretted leaving her first H, that she never got over him and it was so wrong that she had the A. Because she did what she did so many people got hurt including herself. I just told her that I hoped that this time she learned from all of those mistakes and that she starts to work on herself so that she does not hurt herself or others again.

When I got back from my trip, STBXH had mowed the yard, changed the cat litter and bought me a bottle of wine. I was very kind to him like I always am. He wanted to know how my health is doing (good by the way) and I said I am doing fine. He told me he thought I was withholding that info to punish him. I said no, I dont talk about it with anyone. It is MY business. If anything comes up that he needs to know about I will tell him. He is starting to try and reach out to me again, but it is way too soon for me. I know he is still with OW and that knowledge still hurts. When I am at a place where I dont care who he is with, then I know I am ready to try and just be friends.