This doesn't sound right to me. You don't want your W to come over, Your D13 doesn't want to go out but your W wants to be with D13. So you end up caving on what you want and you W comes over and plays mom. When she does this, she is walking all over your boundaries and feeling no effects of the choices she made.
I know you want your kids and your W to have a good relationship but you can't control that. You can control what happens in your house. If you don't want your W there then tell her no or tell D13 that she is to go out with her mother.
Well on the surface your idea makes a lot of sense.
The dilemma for me is this:
I do not want my girls anywhere near the house W lives in. Her friend is a whack job spiritual guru psycho, just as W aspires to be. The environment there is one of "W is so happy and doing the right thing! We support her! OM is also spiritual and a nice guy!"
D17 told me that she was pretty much 'told' these things by W's girl friend when she was there a couple weeks ago. D17 was pissed because GF had no right to even assume that she could speak for D17 or W.
The other problem is this: Whenever I push W back about coming to the house to be with the kids, she uses the "You're just trying to stop me from seeing them, I better get a lawyer"
Does she have money for a lawyer? No. But one thing I do NOT need right now is her pursuing any legal crap because it will defocus me from my goals. Not a big deal, but I would prefer to avoid it right now.
Lastly, I don't EVER want to hear that she told the girls "Your dad said I can't come to see you".
wow, how would that make THEM feel? I know how, because that's what was done to my mom when I was 6 years old. They pretty much made it impossible for her to see me. So she gave up.
So, where are the boundaries when part of the boundary is your kids happiness? That's a tough one.
One avenue I could follow is to tell the girls that with the exception of when they are sick, their visitation with mom at THIS HOUSE is limited to school day mornings, and thursday night dinners as agreed
I feel like a heel telling them that mom cannot come by 'at a whim' unless she intends to take them somewhere. They've been through enough.
