I agree - I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses for him. Again, I don't agree with what he did. And, the fact that he had an affair makes me know that I do not want a relationship with him again because I would never know what he's capable of or how he'd handle life's challenges and hardships. To me, the affair shows that that person has very weak ways of handling tough times. I wouldn't want to subject myself to that again.
However, my point is, he was a nice man. He did love. I accept that I was responsible for my marriage having problems too. I am not saying that makes the affair acceptable. The way he handled those problems was completely inappropriate and broke our marriage, my trust for him and my respect. In the end, it is me who would not want the marriage again. The other things were fixable issues that together we could have worked on.
However, I think too often we blame all the issues on the affair or on the other person. He isn't the devil. He isn't a horrible human being. He did horrible things. They are different.
I refuse to have contact with him because of what he did and how he treated me and how it hurts me and the fact that I will not subject myself to that again, however, I do believe he can have a happy and healthy life IF he learns from his mistakes. Regardless of who he marries again someday, they will have problems as he and I did, and I think he realizes from listening to him today, that what he did with those problems is what broke the marriage, not the problems themself.
I guess I am hopeful that he'll have a happy life again.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
