I want you to stop talking like this. I want you to stop thinking like this. can you, or can you not do this? make up your mind. no more guessing or "I think I can." Bullspit. Do or do not. Decide. You decide, then you act.
I have been reading your threads, but have not posted until now. I agree with Sirprizeme on this. This is an old movie, but the first minute can relate to your sitch. Don't be the grape and get squished. Been their and not a good place to be.