Help, it seems my 35 year old wife is in MLC #12

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Maybe its time to make this more uncomfortable for her!

If you don't mind, please expand on this thought. I'm interested to know where you are going with it.

I have long said that nothing will happen with reconciling until their R is over. I suspect that she currently comfortable with it or at least accepting of it as current reality. However, I also suspect that there is increasing pressure on it. The fact is that she was not having an A when she left but she left to find an A. OW was the first person that came along willing to have an A with her. They spent several months living together. They lived at Ws when she had the kids and OW when I had the kids. about 6 months ago OW moved out of her place and moved in permanently with W. They then bought a place together 3 months ago. At this point W has lost her job and is very quickly running out of money so OW will so be responsible for paying for the entire house and everything else.

To me this is a lot for a R to endure. Esspecially one that isn't based on love but on being the first willing person to come along.

As well as leaving for look for a lesbian R, W also left to have a party life with her single/divorced friends as well as because she was disillusioned with our marriage due to the financial trouble we went through. At this point, she is right back in to worse financial trouble than we ever were. (She was telling me the other day that she doesn't think the kids are going to have a very good Christmas because she has no money.) Her party life has also pretty much come to an end. She rarely sees those friends anymore, she has no money to party and she tied down with her R with OW.

Although it is slow going, I tend to think that that I am doing the right thing. I don't see any benefit to trying to make her life hard. I think she is doing a fine job of that without my input. My current strategy is to try and be patient until her life falls apart and then actively move to bring her back and rebuild our M. If I am already established as being good to her, being her friend and her generally having positive feeling toward me, I think it will be much better than if I act like an Ahole towards her and she has negative feelings towards me.

I know this sounds passive but I think this whole DBing process it really passive.