My H says he has forgiven but I can tell he has not ? How?
He still says hurtful things, ie Did you dress like that for him..
He cannot stand being even in the same suburb as him ?
So forgiveness for someone like me who has has an A looks like this:
[list] heart to heart on what went wrong in the M that made me feel like i was entitled to have an A . Mirroring my answers. Listening to me - really listening without getting angry.
A pomise to draw a line under the A. Never raise it again ever.
Never to speak to anyone about it except C.
Attend couples councelling .
Carrying out strategies suggeted in C
Holding hands, treating me like a woman who likes to be looked after to a certain extent.
Make me feel attractive and wanted.
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Now i know it all sounds one sided but if you were to do things like this, then my stuff would come out. My remorse, my 100 % committment to marriage. you would feel how sorry I was. as soon as she gets responsive try somethings.
I can tell you though that if she is still incontact with OM or harbouring a desire to be with him it will not work. She has to go thriough the pain of letting him go. This is equally as painful as what you are going through. Your attentiveness will make it easier.
Although i will tell you that it was not until my H made a decision to end the M that I did a 180 and went from not caring to really caring. But my H meant it. I could tell the differnce. no play acting.
