Gman Me 40 W 30 kids B 11 B 10 D 8 Been here off and on since 06. PA Confirmed Dec 08.. With God, anything is possible. Do or do not there is no try. Sometimes you have to roll the hard six...
There is not much going on. W called today for the first time since Saturday. She has nothing to do all day but she hadn't called the kids in 4 days!
When I talked to her she was saying that she she was getting nowhere with a job search.
After S8 talked to W he told me that the dog that OW brought now has fleas and it has spread to OWs 2 cats. I said sarcastically to S8, "Mommy must be thrilled about that" He said "No, she's not happy about it"
My mother said something to me yesterday.... W lives right across the street from the kids school. W could easily see the kids when they go to school or when I pick them up, yet she never does. She hasn't seen them in almost 2 weeks and she didn't want to come to D6 dance lessons on Saturday. My mother said to me "If they were my kids and I lived across the road, I'd be there every day" She is right. This type of thing serves to remind me that there is so much more going on in this situation than my W simply not being happy in her marriage.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
W called me a few minutes ago and asked me to come to her place on Holloween so that I could take the kids around while she handed out candy. She then said "Plus the kids would really like that".
I wonder what that is about? W having the kids on Holloween has been he plan for months. I was not a factor in it. I guess OW is suddenly not available for some reason. She was there when W called me. I could hear her coughing in the background.
It also pleases me that she recognizes that the kids would like me to be there.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
Imageer, this could be very good. If she is doing it for the kids, then she is putting their needs before her own self. If she is doing it because she wants you there, that is great, even if she isn't aware of it herself.
This seems so different than her past actions. Keep doing what is right.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
Thanks MMF. It's interesting that you say this seems different for her. I have noticed a change in her in the last while. Since around the time she lost her job. It might be all in my head but she seems different. In a good way.
Although, at the same time She doesn't call me or email nearly as much since she lost her job.
Last edited by Imageer; 10/11/0803:19 AM.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
AMEN IMA!!! This is good news! She could be hurting nice her "perfect world" is getting a few cracks in it. God's giving you an opportunity Bro...do good
Gman Me 40 W 30 kids B 11 B 10 D 8 Been here off and on since 06. PA Confirmed Dec 08.. With God, anything is possible. Do or do not there is no try. Sometimes you have to roll the hard six...
It's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. W has the kids this weekend but I picked them up this afternoon to have dinner with my mother and grandparents and then dropped them off at Ws again a little while ago again.
She was all friendly and smiling when I picked them up and dropped them off. OW was there but she was hiding as she does.
W said something odd to me though. I really like pumpkin pie and she hates it. She told D6 to have lots because she isn't making it. D6 then says to her "You used to take one bite and give the rest to Daddy" W said "that's right" Then she says in a proud fashion "I don't have to make that anymore" and then she smiles at me. It's been bugging me all afternoon.
How should I take that? It came across as; in her mind, it is a benefit of being separated. It certainly didn't give any indication of hope like when she invited me to trick or treat with the kids or the attitude change I seem to be seeing.
I wonder if this is cycling. I haven't seen anything that I would call cycling in my W to this point. I'm not even sure what that looks like. Maybe I'm reading too much in to it or maybe I'm just holding on too tight waiting for something to happen. I would appreciate some thoughts on this.
On another topic....Yesterday I got a phone call from W. It was also odd. W wanted to know if I thought it was ok for the kids to watch a certain movie. She said that they told her that they had watched it with me. There are 2 things odd with this. 1. she has never sought my approval before on something. and 2. She was actually the one that watched it with the kids, not me. I distinctly remember her calling me more than a year ago and asking me where the movie was because she was going to watch it with the kids. (she wasn't asking if I thought it was ok then either like she is now) I told her and her and the kids watched it. She has no memory of that happening.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
Sounds like the OW is firmly entrenched as you wifes current mate with no end in sight. The friendly strategy seems to have achieved very little. She seems content with the current arrangement. What is your long term strategy? Maybe its time to make this more uncomfortable for her!
Maybe its time to make this more uncomfortable for her!
If you don't mind, please expand on this thought. I'm interested to know where you are going with it.
I have long said that nothing will happen with reconciling until their R is over. I suspect that she currently comfortable with it or at least accepting of it as current reality. However, I also suspect that there is increasing pressure on it. The fact is that she was not having an A when she left but she left to find an A. OW was the first person that came along willing to have an A with her. They spent several months living together. They lived at Ws when she had the kids and OW when I had the kids. about 6 months ago OW moved out of her place and moved in permanently with W. They then bought a place together 3 months ago. At this point W has lost her job and is very quickly running out of money so OW will so be responsible for paying for the entire house and everything else.
To me this is a lot for a R to endure. Esspecially one that isn't based on love but on being the first willing person to come along.
As well as leaving for look for a lesbian R, W also left to have a party life with her single/divorced friends as well as because she was disillusioned with our marriage due to the financial trouble we went through. At this point, she is right back in to worse financial trouble than we ever were. (She was telling me the other day that she doesn't think the kids are going to have a very good Christmas because she has no money.) Her party life has also pretty much come to an end. She rarely sees those friends anymore, she has no money to party and she tied down with her R with OW.
Although it is slow going, I tend to think that that I am doing the right thing. I don't see any benefit to trying to make her life hard. I think she is doing a fine job of that without my input. My current strategy is to try and be patient until her life falls apart and then actively move to bring her back and rebuild our M. If I am already established as being good to her, being her friend and her generally having positive feeling toward me, I think it will be much better than if I act like an Ahole towards her and she has negative feelings towards me.
I know this sounds passive but I think this whole DBing process it really passive.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
