I am not sure where my husband is in his midlife crisis. I thought that maybe there was an awakening in his life back in February but now I'm not sure. He has been super sweet to me since February. I mean super sweet. He still has an OW but I'm not sure what their relationship is. I know he is using her and his need for his usage of her will no longer be necessary in June of 2009. I don't know if he will be able to let her go then or not. He has dinner with her every night and then is home by 8 p.m. He has never left home.
Anyway, he is on travel this week with his company. He is home right now ironing his shirts and pants. Two years ago when he went on this quarterly trip he took sweat pants and t-shirts. Even five years ago he took t-shirts and sweats. Today, he is taking his time to pack and get his clothes together. I'm trying to remember the last time that he wore casual dress pants and nice shirts to this meeting (I haven't seen a t-shirt in this packing yet) and I'm having a hard time remembering. In July I wasn't paying attention since I was more concerned about my mom than his packing so I don't know what he packed then.
About 21 months ago my husband started wearing shoes that were so out of character for him...I laughed. I was so glad that I had read on this site that they will start wearing clothes that you would never expect your spouse to wear. It was classic. I noticed last fall that he quit wearing those shoes and bought his regular shoes again. The other shoes...are sitting on the shelf (in his full view) and haven't been worn in a year. He did the jean thing to for a couple of years. I haven't seen them in several weeks/months either.
Over the past several months he has taken more interest in the things at home and the kids. He asks about my dad almost everyday. But his behavior with the OW these past few weeks leads me to believe that he is still in replay.
A couple of weeks ago his niece got married and her mom told him he could come but he couldn't bring his OW. He got mad about it and said that once again he had been placed in a bad situation because he couldn't bring her. He did come to the wedding and didn't bring her but since then he has made sure that everywhere he goes with the family he takes her.
Any thoughts?
I am trying to not think about the stages or where we are in this. I do know that we are on this side of the crisis...meaning that I feel the worst is over. The anger towards me is gone. He will apologize when he snaps at me and he knows that it upsets me. He never apolgizes for the time he spends with the OW. He has just started joking with me again and even winked at me in an e-mail a few weeks ago. But since the OW is still in the picture...I'm at a loss as to where he is in the process. Can he be trying to reconnect even with the OW in the picture? Can he even been in acceptance with the OW in the picture?
Question for Snodderly if she is on board. Many years ago you posted the Acceptance stage - three stages - and it was only in stage three of acceptance that you stated how long it would take to settle down. How long do stages 1 and 2 of the acceptance stage take?
