Its been a while so I wanted to update. Soon to be EW and I have been going to MC. When she does the assignments its eems to bring us closer, however she doesn't do them all. I have started going out to the house. Mainly I have been showing her that I can do the work she didn't think that I would do and more. I have been doing most of the house work, laundry, yard work, taking care of the animals and often cooking or buying dinner. I put fresh flowers in two spots each week. Have started training one of our dogs in a sport we both had done together before. In fact I just did a comp yesterday. W showed up telling me she was proud of me for traing, and the follow through of trialling the dog. That made me feel wonderful MC has given us many tasks. There are two that we need to do every day. One is to fill out a chart telling the other what they did today that made them feel loved. The other is we need to have 3-5 daily rituals that "feed" the R. I am very faithful about doing this, W however is not. Usually only does it when i bring it up. We have learned so wonderful communication skills there as well and our conversations have been more civil. Still have a long way to go but progress is being made. There are two issues that bug me very bad. One is the "Icare but don't love you and don't know if I can or want to". The other is a OM. The "I don't love you " thing I see some of but her actions speek louder to me than the words. She is the type of person that if she didn't want me around, I wouldn't be around. She would never let me out to house if there wasn't something that she see's that she needs or wants. She has told me many times that she likes the changes to my presonality that I have made in the past few months but that she almost expects me to revert back to who I was. I like who I am better now than at any time in my life so that is a very slim chance. There is also when she told that MC that she has some hope for the future and is willing to work on it. Then the next week tells me that she doesn't think that she can work on it as she doesn't think that she will change her mind about me. I feel that she is very scared and afraid that she does have feelings but doesn't want to get hurt again. Thoughts? As for the OM. I got to snopping around and found out that she had put a singles add on the internet. I do know that she has gone out with at least one guy from there. She also has a friend, as she puts it, in her dog training club that she likes to "hang out" with. She tells me not to worry that there is nothing between them and that she has not pursued anybody fromn the net in a month. So I looked at her txt messages and saw a few that could be suggestive to the "friend" and found a box of condoms in her drawer with four missing. She said she has had them since I got kicked out in July "just in case". She did produce the four that were missing. Last week I was looking in her bag and foudn four, the box now has six. A day later the bag had three. So I call BS on her. She won't admit or deny just tells me that I am making assumtions and not to worry. What ever!!!! This is even funnier since I mentioned a week or so ago that I was thinking to go visit an old GF that I have stayed friends with for about 6 years. She was GF long before I got married to W. So W says why don't I go visist somebody else? I don't have anybody else to go visit. "If I find out that you have sex than I am done, its a deal breaker". There won't be, we don't even have feelings like that anymore and that is the farthest thing from my mind. Does anybody see a double standard here???!!!! I know I need to trust her and there is no direct just circumstancal evidence of OM. But for her to tell me that makes me mad as h#!!. So a few things have happened in the past month. Still have hope for the future for our R but starting to have my doubts and just needed to vent. B
