Happy Thanksgiving (hopefully not (too) belated)!.
You always seem busy with the 'guy' things. Is that because you're still focused on your marriage, the possibility of it turning around? A friend of mine keeps suggesting I talk to men to get used to doing it. I'm getting better at it though I'm still like a sea anemone at times. And my unspoken favorite phrase is, "Run, run for you life!" though I don't quite know who it pertains to.
You sound like a great daddy. Keep that great PMA and the forthright vacuum cleaning sense of humor close to you.
i try to stay busy with guy things because that is what i like to do....when I start to feel the need for female companionship or contact, I will have to make an effort to incorporate some other non male activities in my social calendar. For the time being, I am not in the "mood" and I am afraid that I would not attract too many woman. I am not really sending out those vibes right now. The question you ask is a fair one. I guess I am not over my W yet. Does that signify that I am hanging on to some type of hope. The "hope" is pretty low but still exists. I am not waiting around hoping something will miraculously happen nor am I DBing (maybe I should be more than ever). Last night my sister mentionned twice that she has two ladies that she would like me to meet...a few weeks ago my cousin's wife said the same thing....now either they think i am a decent catch or that they feel sorry for me. I told them both that i am not ready right now...the wound is still fresh and it would not be fair to the ladies. I want to concentrate on my daughter, my job and the people around me that have my best interest at heart. Maybe I should also start thinking about me.... On the daddy front, my D7 saw a copy of the book "What a difference a DADDY makes" on the coffee table and asked me about it. I just said that I am trying to learn how to be the best daddy possible. She answered that I was already a great daddy. I have to admit that I got a little emotional after that little exchange. I noticed this weekend that my D7 is much more affected by all this than she lets on. Just the questioning and her general demeanor. She must have told me she loves me 30 times in two days. Tommorow my W is travelling so I will be back at the house taking care of D7. That will do us both some good I think (plus it was me or MIL and if that is the choice I am given, i will walk the 40 miles to get there). No doubt D7 missed me this week (while I was away). She mentionned that she was worried about my flights which I found surprising. One last thing...when i dropped off D7 earlier today, W and i exchanged double cheek kisses. W looked at me and said something like my God that was dry,,,,WTF?? She proceeded to look at my skin near the eyes and commented on it (I don't remember what she said exactly). That was also strange....
My son is 7 and let me tell you they understand a lot more than what they tell us. She probably feels this was not your choice and she is trying to give you love to "make it better". Plus she missed you. Kids are amazing...
Having hopes is natural. Granted your sitch with back and forths I guess it is harder to FEEL this is permanent. I know it would be harder for me. Take your time, take care of you. You know what? Whatever will be, will be... (nothing better to say, sorry) xxx K
No K, there was a dry double cheek kiss comment when we said hello and later on the skin comment. Do not want to harp on it....all it means is her antenna is out and she is looking at me closer...for whatever reason.
You are right about the kids...I will have to keep a closer eye on the situation....allow D7 to express herself on the breakup if she so desires.
I am in a strange place on the permannance of the situaton. i can not really put it in words but suffice it to say that I do not feel the end as you seem to be feeling it. However, I do not really feel much hope either. It's like it is flatlining and once in a while I get a very little peak. Nowhere close to the rollercoasters we all rode not too long ago.
don't underestimate your input...it means alot to me.
Of course your D thinks you are a great daddy, you are!
So, W is wanting "wet" kisses from you even though you are not together at this point? Interesting........it is as I have noticed before, the less you are "there" the more she comes looking for you, if you know what I mean...
You sound like you are in a good place, it is expected that you would be sad, disappointed, etc. but you are being very realistic and open-minded. You have not shut the door, nor do you have it wide open beckoning her to come in. I think being in-between is prob. a good place to be.
I am not sure what W is expecting or wants. Honestly, I am trying to be as friendly as possible during our brief encounters. You are probably right about the less I am "there" the more she seems to "come around". I can not continue worrying about whether she is coming around or not however. Nor do I want to make an effort to "not" be there. I guess what I am trying to say is that I do not want to DB my W. I just want to be myself and do my thing. I think I am at an OK place...you are right, the door is not shut but the welcome mat is not out either.
I didn't mean my comments to be a statment on "to DB or not DB". I just meant that to an observer's eye, she seems to be thrown by the fact that you are surviving and doing fine without her at your side. I do not mean to suggest that you should plot to make yourself unavailable or anything. It was just an observation...
I think you are absolutely right. You have done so much to work on your situation. At this point, what you are doing is real detachment, not forced, manipulative attempts to get her to "miss" you. And, not that it matters, because you aren't "trying" here, but I also think that has a greater effect on your wife b/c she realizes you are actually going about your life WITHOUT worrying about her every move.
speaking about her every move....she just called to chat....she is not feeling well....when will I go vote today...a couple of laughs...all the type of stuff that you would bring up to your partner...again...WTF??
I know you aren't "DB-ing her" at this point. But I have something I am curious about. Does your response affect the frequency of these "temperature checks"?
For me, sometimes H will reach out like that, and if I respond favorably, it seems he will back away again for awhile, like he was content to see I am still "there" so he doesn't have to be worried...does that make sense?
I am not suggesting you change what you do either way. I am just wondering, do you notice any kind of pattern? If you carry on the conversation w/her when she calls, and do it in a lighthearted manner, to her attempts to connect with you increase, decrease, stay the same? Don't ask me why I'm curious, I was just born that way.....
What are you voting on? I don't follow Canadian stuff, sorry. Is this a major election day like we have coming in a few weeks?
