Treese, I'm very happy to see that your daughter is doing well. Please extend my congratulations to her on making the National Honor Society. That is a major milestone and one that all of you should be proud of.
As for the anniversary card, since your h has made it known that "we aren't celebrating birthdays, vday and anniversaries", I wouldn't send him a card. He's telling you what his wishes are for now and I would abide by them. He doesn't want to associate any holiday w/reminders of the two of you. It's that relationship thing once again. Celebrate the day w/your children or friends. In his mind, the relationship is over and has been for a while. Unfortuantely, you don't cut the ties that easily and he's going to discover that if and when it happens, it's not going to be as simple as he thought.
Treese, I do hope today goes smoothly. Take plenty of pictures of your daughter on her special day.
Keep the faith and dig deeper for more patience. I know the situation is wearing thin, but you are working on his time clock these days.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
no word yet....I still think he knows and just wont tell me..
Today I'm feeling anxious....I didn't sleep well and I want to talk to him so bad....now since s11 is done with baseball he doesn't call or come around....only when he has to pick up son on the Fridays I work the football games...
He also doesn't talk much or come around on the days he is with OW...why is that? and of course our anniversary is coming up on Monday and I'm sure he is trying to forget that but it's OW birthday also...he can't really forget what day it is can he? I feel like I need something for my nerves....I don't know if I'll make it through that day....IT'S 24 YEARS FOR HEAVENS SAKE... I cant believe it's really over....everything I've dreamed about is gone...I'm sorry but I love him....but sometimes I hate him too...
I was feeling down so sorry for the negative post....
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Try very, very hard to think that your anniversary is just another day and try and keep yourself busy by doing something nice for you and the kids.
I have spent the last three anniversaries w/o my h and to be honest, I have not had it bother me so much. My h was never big on holidays/celebrations to begin with so maybe that makes it a little easier.
I know your h may not come around as much anymore but he will have to get thru his issues on his own. All you can do is stand back, show unconditional love.
Imagine being in his shoes--he knows he did wrong and he possibly has a child that came from this. He will have to live with his sin(s) the rest of his life. It will weigh very heavy on his heart forever and there is nothing anybody can do to take it all back.
I know we all make mistakes in our lives and sometimes they are very difficult to forget, let alone forgive, but be still for awhile and listen to God.
Your h is not having the time of his life at all. And also, ow is pulling his strings as well. I do not envy being in his position at all.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I seriously don't know how you do it.....I am sobbing right now....
So, I do have a life....I'm going out with friends, doing things with my kids..but when the day ends my mind is wondering, wondering why I have to be alone...to look over in my bed and he's not there....to have something so awesome to share and no one to share it with...to want to just hug him and he's not here to hug or doesn't want to touch me....I'm hurting so bad....it's a deep hurt...an I don't know if I'll make it kind of hurt... I'm mad, I'm sad, I don't know what I am...I'm trying to move on..some days I'm good, some days I'm not...some days I'm devastated....I wonder how he can be so happy....while I'm home crying....ok, ok....don't cry....we've all done it...it hits us like a ton of bricks....my chest feels like someone is standing on it. I'm on meds....as much as I can be on without feeling like a Zombie...
When it comes down to it.....I HATE BEING WITHOUT HIM!! Plain and simple....I know....I don't have a choice, he may never wake up...he may never come home....
The hate, the bitterness I feel I want to get rid of it...it's not healthy....I'm not eating....I toss and turn in my sleep...my friends are tired of me talking about it...heck...I'm tired of me talking about it....if it weren't for my kids I wouldn't even get out of bed.....
I know everyone says they are hurting also...but I see no signs of him hurting at all, why would he....he doesn't have to take care of kids, he gets to come and go as he pleases, he eats, sleeps, and works just fine....he can come see his kids when he wants...he calls them to say hi....he has no homework to help with. no clothes to wash, no lunches to pack, NOTHING! BUT...he can be disney dad and take our son to ALL the fun places he wants to go....and then bring him home.....and our son thinks it's great...except mom can't do that...cause I have responsibilities....so yep...right now I guess I'm feeling a little sorry for myself...but I don't care...I'm allowed...I've earned it...
It's hard to let go....very hard....when he told me one night when I called him that he and OW were sitting there laughing waiting for me to call that was like a knife through my heart...then to find family pictures with me cut out of them...now that takes a lot out of you...it rips at your spirit, at your being...and you look up and ask God, WHY?
So, sorry if I blew it...sorry if I ticked a few of you off by being so down but it's been almost 2 years since he's been with OW and he is happy and talking to his mom about her...and guess what...my niece said OW reminded her of ME.....blah!! We are built the same, and suddenly she has my hair color..and who knows what else....my daughter was right...they go out and find someone else and fall in love with them only to realize they were falling in love with their spouse all over again....so why did they leave to begin with....so many questions that will never be answered....
So, thanks for listening....it does help to get it down on paper....
((hugs))
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I'm sorry (((Treese))) keeping you in my prayers...
TOH
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Oh Treese, (((((((())))))) vent away, this is sooooo hard I know. Just make sure you have more better days than the down ones. Has your medication been checked recently, maybe you need a different AD or higher dose if you feel you are slipping back. All I can tell you it does get easier.Very slowly day by day. We have to have zero expectations of them. I am not sure they hurt or suffer either. After 7 years my xH has shown no regret to me,he m the OW and they are still together. I think in long term marriages that when they leave us ie move out, they have actually moved out long before that so they are prepared for it, we just have the bomb and then have to ajust, no time to get our head around it and that makes it so much harder. We are torn between wanting to believe they will wake up and return home and knowing that will never happen. Having no contact helped me, not talking to the children about him also helped. They are torn too and have devided loyalties. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and live your life for you. H can if he chooses always catch up -he knows where you are. Hope today brings you some joy or at the very least less pain. (((()))))
