Hi Ali Thanks for your post and taking the time to write to me and tell me how it looks. Its good to have your insight.
I've just finished reading Passionate Marriage - and it is by FAR the best and most challenging book ever. I think what you are going through Ali is really normal and part of acceptance. But I'd definitely recommend this book if and when you want to take your journey to the next level.
I think I threw myself into the relationship, and lost myself and I was so caught up in being H's wife. Maybe I am creating barriers now.... I think I have been swinging between being needy and then being distant (which your right is not helpful either). But after reading this book I'm holding onto myself more.
And honestly it seems like when I try and show H I'm keen he backs away. But he was sooooo interested and said he was jealous about my plans to go travelling. So I actually think that 'works' - well actually it doesnt matter anymore if it works or not, I like the feeling that I'm looking after myself and doing this for me. Sometimes I wonder if he doesnt make a date to see me, because my life is so 'full' and he doesnt want to be rejected. But then I think flipping heck, that's not stopping other guys asking me out on dates. And I'm always warm and encouraging and happy to see H.
Anyway he came over today (briefly) (after wakeboarding), and he couldnt keep his hands off me! Really huggy and kissy. But he had to leave and only stayed about 10 minutes.
But honestly it feels like this huge weight has lifted. I really like me. Its not rejection anymore. Its just his choice to be with me or not. And its OK that he's choosing to only see me a little bit, because I really like me!
I feel like I'm on a bit of a high - it will be interesting to see how long this lasts, and if I have to continually face the rejection thing, or if this was the last spurt of this growth phase??
I think I've also decided that I'm OK for things to continue this way until Christmas, but after that I might need to shake it up. I dont want to give an ultimatum, but I am prepared to walk away. I just dont know the 'best' way to approach this - and by 'best' I think the way that leaves me with the 'power', or at least the 'control' of myself.
Ahh I must be close to be able to write my own self help book!
