WAW - Possible MLC I need help, WAWs advice

[thrillisgone]

I guess what I have to understand is there is nothing I can do. We're divorced and have no contact. I wish I could turn off the feelings for her in a similiar fashion. I think about her daily and I wonder what goes on in her mind. Her actions seem so cold yet I can feel (or could feel before this was over) that she loves me and is tortured. The problem is that she lied so much and her actions were so out of character and bizarre, I'm not sure what I know or don't know or what is real and what is not. That goes for the present as well as the past.

Afterall, back in Feb 08 I took my wife out of town to a cozy bed and breakfast up in the mountains for a week, in order to reconnect. We made love to eachother. Now I know she was screwing around with a man who is her fathers age, during that same time period. I'm not a jealous or possessive man BUT that freaked me out. Still does. I couldn't have put on a Hollywood acting job like that.

So I guess I just go on and if days, months or years from now something falls out of the sky....I react to it depending on my feelings and circumstances at the time? That just seems batsh*t crazy to me.

My FIL is terminally ill ( I think she was primed and ready for MLC and that her fathers illness was the trigger). So I guess our next chance to talk will be when her father passes.

Is there anything else I can do? Is there anything I haven't thought of? If I'm reduced to waiting for something that statistically is very remote...what am I doing?

I think that is why communicating and connecting with another woman is so compelling yet also so confusing and dangerous.