Amy C- you replied some under my thread "MLC Stages, where are we?" back 7/13/08 Ahhh yes. I remember. I think I just jumped in and told you not to try to gauge where your wife is at in those very individual and personal stages.. The start of that thread gives a timeline through July of my sitch.
We are divorced now. I actually saw my W in late August the day the divorce was granted. I spoke with her the night before and she was out of it. So bad in fact that I was worried she was in real trouble. I asked her if she was O.K. and she replied "of course I'm not O.K." and she did it in a manner that had me comtemplating 911. She said she would call back in 10 minutes and never did. I called her and she would not answer. The next day she showed up at the house and I was shocked at how she looked. Skinny...like I've never seen her in 30 years. Kept her head down, wouldn't make eye contact, got out of the car and hugged me crying and then jumped back in the car staring straight ahead and shaking. She was wearing a pair of monogrammed sunglasses that belonged to the OM and a dress ring on her right hand that I gave her. Saw her the next day with the same ring on the same hand but not appropriate for what she was wearing. She pointed the ring out to me and said "you gave me this". We promptly got into a confrontation about the family dog and she left. I noticed that she appeared unkept. Straight hair, no makeup, her face had broken out and she has no upper body left. I mean down to the ribs. She drinks heavily at night but I'm not aware of any drug use besides her hormonal steroids and hormones Well that summary certainly shocked the heck out of me and I don't even know the woman. I am sorry to hear those things about her. No doubt she is carrying a heavy burden on her heart, though. No doubt about it at all... .
The OM is 70 years old Whoa and it appears that she is moving out of state to be with him and is buying a house with the proceeds from the divorce. They work for the same company. Don't know how that'll work. What haunts me is the phrase my wife said a week before she left " I guess you won't be able to wait on me" I don't want to make you feel worse but I can see how that could haunt you. That said, what the heck else could you do but let go? Sometimes in certain sitches there comes a time when the DBer has no choice but to save himself (or herself) or go down with the sinking ship. What is the good in that? If you had allowed that to happen to you, there would be no one - NO ONE - stable enough to show her what she will need if/when she comes out of whatever fog she is in. Honestly, THAT is your role. When we Dbers pray for restoration we think only along the lines of the marriage being saved. I learned in my own sitch that restoration can come in other forms - such as a deep friendship - before you see anything else or even if you NEVER see anything else. The relationship has been restored. Had you gone down with the ship, so to speak, you wouldn't be able to see ANY kind of restoration because more than likely anger and bitterness would have taken root in your heart. So do not let that statement of hers haunt you. It is merely the enemy working in your head. What he intended for your destruction, God can - with or without your asking - turn around for your good. When I asked her if she thought she'd ever find what we had, again. She replied "No" That had to be a painful thing for her to admit. I hope you realize that. Pride doesn't seem like an issue for her. That is a good thing. . AND the OM is having some cash flow problems and is playing "the rich guy". Don't ask me how I know I won't. I see these guys at the firm all the time. . My ExW is headed for the wall.....I think. Sounds like she is definitely headed for a bad place. Her credit rating is 100 points higher than the OMs and she is taking out loans for the both of them.
I am about as confused as confused gets. I'm also very angry at the betrayal,emotional and financial wreckage she left behind Yes. There's that anger and bitterness. You have to get that out of your heart. I wish I could tell you how. First you just really have to want to. Then you have to ask for help to continue to love her in spite of that wreckage. I only know of One that can help with that. . To compound matters I've met a woman who I find attractive on a multitude of levels and the feelings are mutual. Very dangerous and confusing also Funny you should mention that. I am in a similar sitch. It's scary as hell. And it's even harder when you factor in the "Stand". That's one you definitely have to pray about. It is so hard to let go. I know. But you can reach a point where it is harder to stand still and let life keep passing you by. After almost 3 years, I have those thoughts. But it's what God lays on my heart that I must do. So far, I stand. .
I am a mess. I still love my ExW very deeply Good thing I read then reply and then continue to read. There is your answer to your previous dilemma right there. .
Somedays I think I know what I'm doing. Other days I don't know whether to sh*t or go blind My friend, now you are just preaching to the choir .
