I can easily forget the past and look forward. I am fantastic with that, BUT what says we have not learned the real reason, for why we did what we did, and we make the same decision again, with the same intensity that we did in the past. A sense of entitlement, a massive selfish act, a disregard for the feelings of all those others affected !
I forgot to clarify one thing. I forgive myself and I forgive the events that cause anger that I directed at others. I've found forgiving others is hard because I have to dredge up all the hidden crap and release it so the negative energy doesn't get a hold of me. I know that I don't want to be the same person going back into a R if we patch up the M. Whatever I was, it didn't work with whatever she was. So I've gotta change and I know she's doing some work, but not as much as I am. The risk is we might not like each other afterwards, but that's still better than being stuck in the hellish R I was in earlier. For me, the journey of awareness took me into through counseling in conjunction with a 12-step program. It's not easy and it was big-time ego deflation, but worth it.
I know I need to do this because if I get into another relationship, I want to minimize the chances of making the same mistakes.
H42 W36 M9 yrs D8 D5 d-day: 21/11/07 S and moved out: 22/2/08 Still S: 22/11/10
