Having a parent die or dying ceratinly makes you question what's important. I'm giving everything I have to S3 and my parents right now and perhaps don't have room for WAW. I guess it's also possible that WAW does have an OM.
Max030, the hurt from a parent dying and the hurt of an A are very different. Dad dying is a fact that neither he nor I can change. I will grieve for him for a very long time and I am really sad about it. I have told him everything I wanted to tell him and in that sense I have no (and hope I have no) regrets.
The A was hurtful in different way. I grieved for the lost possibilities and potential of our M; I hurt for me and for our S and I couldn't understand what I had done to deserve what happened. I begged and pleaded (before I found the DB book) and I made huge changes to myself to demonstrate my commitment. None of that helped (at least not for a while) probably because WAW was blinded by the OM. Dad passing will not be his choice.
Unlike my Dad, WAW is still here and there were choices involved. It's the choice made that makes the pain so much greater. Dying is not usually a choice but the A is and it's that issue of trust that makes the A so much harder to bear.
I know that's hard to hear. I'm sorry your H feels that way although he is probably hurt and upset about his father and is 'acting out' against the person closest to him who hurt him.
I must admit that I am of two minds as to whether WAW and I can ever rescue our M but I want to give it a go so that I know.
Maybe acknoweldge with your H that you know he's hurting and scared; tell him you are scared too and that you'll work hard to earn back his trust and give him what he needs from you to start trusting again. I would really appreciate that from WAW about now.
BTW, did your H's parents stay together? It's possible if they D that he is reliving all that hurt?
-------- Me; 38 W; 34 1 4yr old S Married 4.5 yrs, together 9 yrs Bomb; 15 June 2007 Holiday together Sept 2008; My Dad dies Nov 2008; reconcliation fails Nov 2008
