If you want me to be honest Sandi2.. I am actually questioning myself on whether the texting "poked" him enough to file. Christa's little "project" here has me questioning myself. Was it the "right" thing to do. My honest answer is yes.. and no.. right now. I am happy with the "outcome" I just hope Christa is. She seems to be in a little better place.. that's all I can ask for. I can "see" her starting to poke thru.
"instead of this mean old hateful Sandi....lol."
I have never called you mean.. or hateful.. I have implied you are old. We are just way different. And yet at the same time.. not so much. Lets meet in the middle somewhere. Like Christa's post's.. or anyone's post.
"Seriously, hope for the best.....plan for the worse. Have a "way out" strat."
This is key.. back out gracefully.
"Be a confident woman and don't let him make you cry."
Don't show him too much confidence.. he can't make you cry.
Walk into breakfast knowing that things may go to "suck". If things don't "suck".. you win.
Be you.. nothing less.. nothing more.
If nothing less.. tomorrow is the day you start all over.. building something new.
Who do you want to be? What do you want to be?
You have everything stacked against you.. and yet you have everything going for you.
Time will tell... it always does.
Now...
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
I agreed if MC doesn't work, to sign D papers stipulating he would go through the annulment process in the Catholic church. Him doing MC is worth more than any money I have invested in the home.
I asked him if he would actively participate and go in with a good mind set...not one of this is not going to work. He giggled. I also asked that he participate in counseling...not just sit there...again he giggled.
We agreed on a counselor. I am having my atty. draw up legal papers; that was what he asked for. He wanted paper work that would hold up in court.
I was actually shocked, because he said a few times how bad this was getting to him and messing with his head. He talked about how it even bothered him at work and he turned down a position as a foreman until things are decided between he and I.
All in all, I think things went well. I am happy he decided on MC. I plan to have my L draw up paper work early next week, and hope to have our first session of MC within in 2 weeks. I am going to call the Mcounselor and ask her how many sessions minimum she feels it would take, and stipulate that in the paper work. I told him, he wasn't getting away with 2 or 3...this was going to be a hard core effort. He was ok with that.
I think/feel once we are into counceling a ways/few sessions, I think we need to talk about OW...and how can we work on R/M if there is OW in picture. I am hoping he will have already taken care of the problem prior to this needing to be fixed!!! we shall see!
i am happy with the way things went. Time will tell, at least he agreed to C...this to me is huge!
((((to all of you))))) for your love and support!!! I couldn't have "shined" today without you!!
Sandi~ he didn't make me cry!! I smiled the whole time!! thank you for helping me find strength!
FG~ Thanks for being you
VS~ Thanks for your support and encouragement....glad we found eachother!!!
Goldey~ thanks for stopping in and checking on me!!
thanks again guys....you all rock!! christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
GREAT FOR YOU!!!! You made some headway today. I am proud of you! It looks like you golf score has just improved. See what happens when you keep your head down and stay focused on the green and not on the bunkers. (LOL) I am all smiles for you!!! MC is the direction I want to take my WAW. You have been working in that direction for 20 plus months and I have only just started. Once again you are inspiring.
Not to be a wet blanket, but do you think H complied with your request to MC because he wanted to or was it because of the legal papers?
What ever the reason it is a huge step forward. You should feel real good with yourself. See I told you had the internal strength to make it happen.
If I may inject a little of my sitch .... I asked my WAW to join the family for our monthly Birthday party via a short email. She opened the email. She answered the email accepting the invitation in less than 1 and 1/2 minutes. I asked if she would like to meet there or ride with me. She said she would like to ride with me to the party. She talked to our D about it and my D told me that she (D) was shocked that I invited W/M.
W had an out of state meeting this weekend and into next week. Without prompting W called me when she got to her destination and side that she would bring a shot glass form the town she is in and that she would email later just to keep in touch.
I see this as a positive thing. ????
Your are doing great. Stay with the books and the new Christa. It will turn out the way it should.
I think he agreed to MC because it will save him $$ in the long run. Whatever the reason, I am happy. At least i can get him there, talking and opening up...which can lead to some good things...I think/hope. I asked him to come with an open mind, and not the mind set that it was not going to work...and that he couldn't just sit there like a bump on a log. He agreed to participate.
I think your sitch sounds VERY promising. W sounds like she is coming around a little...be gentle...and don't push...let her come to you....and you will be fine!!!
20 months...crazy, I can't believe it myself. i am still in shock he agreed to MC. All i know, God works in some mysterious ways...and I am thankful for the opportunity to try to put this R/M back together. Considering it took a little sweet talking...and negotiating...i am pleased with the results. Now, it's getting MC to move in a positive direction!!!
thanks for the support VS!!! (((((VS)))))) christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
It doesn't really matter why. It is one step closer. One step at a time ... Just one step at a time. You stay strong, keep working on you. I didn't know the old Christa, but I like the one I know now. I am here waiting to hear about your next step.
If you need to vent, brag, or just want to talk. I'm ... We are here. No one is alone here.
Lets meet in the middle somewhere. Like Christa's post's.. or anyone's post.
FG, I thought that was what we had done.......and well. Okay, so I didn't know what to tell her, but hey, I'm not too crazy about her H (to tell you the truth.....I think she is way too good for him), but anyway, glad you knew what to tell her b/c I sure ran out of soap.
Christa, I hope your MC goes along with the BD techniques/principles or I can almost predict what will happen. Sure hope you got a good one! Lots of good thoughts, hugs, and prayer comining your way.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
FG, I thought that was what we had done.......and well. Okay, so I didn't know what to tell her, but hey, I'm not too crazy about her H (to tell you the truth.....I think she is way too good for him), but anyway, glad you knew what to tell her b/c I sure ran out of soap.