I agree 100% on the financial issue. My sitch is not going to end the way I wanted (still want) it to. So now that I have finally accepted that (after nearly 3yrs) I am making sure that me and D13 especially can stay in our home for as long as we want to and not for as long as H will allow us. So just in the last week I have agreed to pay H the equivalent of nearly a year's wages to buy him out of the house. Is it scary? Hell yeah! Do I feel worse than I did before? No I feel liberated! I couldn't have done this when H first left (even though he wanted me to) and if I had it would've cost me more b/c the housing market was so much more buoyant. H won't spend my hard earned money wisely but once I am financially independent of him it won't matter b/c it will no longer affect me.
IRMAT the temptation when you read threads here is to want that for yourself NOW and very often the fact that someone has taken 1,2, 3, 4 ,5yrs to get there gets overlooked. Take your time and your sitch will turn out right in the end. It just may not be how you though it would be.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
My Husband came home last night after being away for 2 weeks for work.
While he was away I think I got into survival mode again and took care of some stuff around the house....me and my projects!
I even bought a whole ton of wood pellets for the stove in the kitchen and had the kids unload and stack them properly.
I also bought a new car.....all by myself.
Needless to say he was surprised when I picked him up in it
The kids and I managed when he was gone, unfortunately it brings back memories for me, especially when there is so much to do and I am all alone trying to keep the family normal, whilst getting all of the kids where they need to be and trying to work.
Sometimes I think God allows these trips every few months to remind me of what I have already survived and to be grateful for the restoration of my Marriage.
We went apple picking today, all of us, which was really fun. I guess tomorrow after work I will be making pies and freezing them for the Winter.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
BND I understand your fears and the memories that come crashing back in situations like you've just gone through. How wonderful that you now know that your H will always be back and that you are the one he loves. I'm so happy for you.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Today I am feeling quite content with my life. It has been a very long time since I have felt this way, and it feels wonderful.
I took care of some issues and grew a set of balls this week
I am not having a MLC, I am just re-evaluating some choices I have made and finally grabbed the bull by the horns.
It is my birthday present to myself, to do things that make me happy and to stop settling.
My hours for work have changed and I now have a schedule I love.
I feel appreciated and I am doing things I enjoy.
I bought a new car last week, all by myself and that was exciting for me.
I went shopping with a girlfriend this weekend and it was so good to have some "me" time and not have to rush back home for any reason.
My Husband is finally "almost" normal again and I feel more at peace about my Marriage. I read once that it takes about 18 months to 2 years after they come back again for things to reach normalcy.
Slowly, slowly, we are getting over the "hump" but as long as we keep moving forwards, thats all that really matters.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Apple pies--sounds good to me and the smell coming from the kitchen can't get any better than that!!
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
BND, I didn't mean to offend you! HeartScared is right, I have not read your story. I have not figured out if there is an easy way to follow people's threads back in time unless they have posted them on each new thread.
I have learned some of the things you mentioned, but not all of them. My H and I have been having problems at some level for about 7-10 years already, so as much as I would like to believe that everything will be hunky-dory if he ever comes out of this MLC/affair stuff, I actually am skeptical about things getting much better any time soon. This is why I keep thinking that a miracle will be required for things to get better at all, much less become wonderful again. I'm not holding my breath, but I am praying a lot. I even pray for OW, although it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
I will see if I can find your older threads and read up.
Blessings and peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
