So if he were to file first, it lessens her guilt? That is where I think that my W is at.
Even when my A was outted and I was in turmoil and shock. I was dealing with a H whom was almost beyond grief. I was dealing with my own confusion , grief and pain and to make that all feel a little better - I wanted my H to leave, get away from me etc.
As a little time passed it settled a bit and I still wanted him out of my face. Hell yes, it is easier to run than face what you did and if H filed for D than I could say " Must of been what he wanted all along - thats why I turned to another man "
My question to you is - If you have no where to go why are you in such a hurry ? What will a D do for you ? You are not sure if thats what you want so why push it ?
Originally Posted By: badcompany max their relationship has gone sour....my wife got pregnant from OM and he wants nothing to do with her or the baby. OM has a girlfriend too
WOW! How do you feel about that?
I think that it is very sad for the baby.
I think it would take a real man to be able to step up and fix this M.
I think it would take a real man to raise this baby.
My wife filed for divorce in august after telling me she was going to do it. I refused to sign because of how I felt, which made her more angry. Now I think she is glad I didn't sign. I never wanted a divorce; she did. OM is a 23 year old baby who doesn't want to grow up and surely can't handle being a dad. Too bad for him. I'm not trying to baby my wife or let her have all the pull, but I'd help her raise the baby
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
I know a man who married a woman who already had a child. She went on to have 3 to him and then left him for many other men. She left a troubled elder son with a step father who turned this boy around.
It was not the boys fault his mother was crap and this guy recognised it and just as we would of done centurys ago, he took on the child. A credit to himself.
You could do this also. Think of it as a gift from god.
If you can turn your M around and love your W again , well all the more power to you.
I Can't single handedly turn my marriage around (she needs to work at it too) but I love her and forgive her. I just need advice on how to get her to WANT to work on our M.
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
YOU can't get her to WANT to work on the marriage. Only she can do that on her own. You can only do your best to be the best husband you can be and hopefully she'll find that's enough for her. This doesn't mean she'll always be happy, or want to stay with you forever, but at least you will know you are doing your best for everyone and especially your own child (and also giving this new child some stability).
There is never any guarentees on anything. You can just do your best (which is what you've been doing all along). My only advice is go slow, so you can both have time to heal, and gradually build a much stronger relationship.
It sounds like you have a good chance. And a safe place to start is friendship.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I just need advice on how to get her to WANT to work on our M.
She has to want it. I went from screaming my dislike of H and REALLY not wanting to ever see his face again.
It took a long time but it changed. He dragged me to C. ?I went, i felt sorry for him and then all of a sudden it seemed I wanted him. I wanted him real bad this year, which is 3 years after A...
I will think about what were the REAL IMPORTANT turning points for me.
Next 3 years I deny PA and . H moves in and out of house in frustration. He believs it PA . I let him come and go. For a while I did not care . even when he got a flat and it all looked serious , i felt that he still Loved me. I used that to give me the strength to keep lying etc.
2008 H had enough and exploded. I knew that I had to tell him the truth for amny reasons and one of them being a sense of this could be it. So I came clean.
2008 H moved back in and then hids dad died and then he moved out.
I have been devasted and why - because I SENSE this is it. He is not play acting anymore. He means it. He is very hurt even though I only confirmed what he already knew.
Sooo it is a sense of when the spouse really has had enough. I had not changed one little thing about myself until this point. I needed to really see and really feel the hurt and destruction and yes hate.
I dont know how you will do this if you dont feel it. I dont believe oit is something that can be play acted. Maybe it is a case of GAL and then you will GAL and she will sense it. Then like me she will have to hope and pray that there is a small window of oppotunity to get it all back.
It probably is not something you want to hear.
Things H did this year - he seemed happy to do things on his own, he bought clothes on his own ( normally he wants my opinion), he attended a family function without me. He is planning holiday without me. He took up a new hobby that mixes him with people i dont know and leads into lots of fun things.
Little things but they all add up to him GAL. I hate it
But if OM is in the picture you are fighting an up hill battle. She has to give him up. Even if it is a secret harbouring of wanting to be with him .she has to give it up and tht will be painful for her. Hope it helps
