Congratulations Alison, is this an additional job or an "instead of" job. Hope things are going as well as they can be at the mo. How's d liking uni? I guess she has just done freshers week,so that should have been fun or a blur. Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
This is an 'instead of' job. Although I like the flexibility of portfolio working it is tiring. The two jobs I have at the moment look at the same issues but from completely different perspectives and I have to ask myself every morning 'which head do I have on today?'. This will be so much easier b/c I won't have to think about that. However, having had those two jobs is what has enabled me to get this one as I will need to draw upon both experiences in order to carry out my new role. I'm VERY excited.
I was a bit nervous about telling my current line managers about my new job especially the one where I work from home. As it turned out they were both really pleased for me so that was good. In the job where I work from home they have been talking some time about getting me a new laptop as the one they provided me with originally was v. old and 'died' sometime ago. It was a little ironic that the convo started with this person telling me that my new laptop should be here next week. Thankfully it transpired that he hadn't actually placed the order yet so when i told him about my new job he said he either wouldn't place the order or he might go ahead as whoever they get as my replacement will need one anyway. They have been so good to me (unlike my office job) that I did feel a little guilty that I was leaving them BUT I am doing this for me and D13 so that is the most important thing.
As for the D. I haven't heard anything from H since I signed the papers to contest the D (as he was told I would if he didn't accept my offer). Usually when there is any correspondence to be had it comes on a Saturday morning so I probably have that to look forward to this weekend. I think I have become very detached from the emotions that these letters stir up now though so whatever happens I will be fine. Probably very broke but fine
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How's d liking uni? I guess she has just done freshers week,so that should have been fun or a blur
As far as I can tell she is loving it thank you. She is full of cold but she tells me this is 'fresher's flu.' She is longing for her own room (which should happen this weekend) as although she likes her room mate she is craving her own space. The bedroom they share is smaller than the one she has to herself at home and I think they are both finding it a bit of a strain. I've spoken to her lots on the phone (usually b/c she has phoned me) but she popped in to see my mum last weekend as she had gone to see her BF and he lives near my parents. I asked my mum if she looked as happy as she was telling me and my mum said she did so that was a big help.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I'm getting so good at predicting when I will hear from H and/or his L. I have indeed received correspondence this morning and believe it or not but it delivered my second piece of good news this week.
Earlier on this week I was doubting myself in regards to the decision I made to reject Hs demands for more money b/c I thought he would go the whole hog and take me to court. I knew he couldn't afford it but the way he is behaving still I thought he would see me in hell before he backed down to any of my demands.
I'm now so glad that I showed him that he can no longer click his fingers and I will come running. I was wrong about him in this instance b/c he has backed down I can't tell you how much that has done for my self esteem!
His letter made me giggle b/c it made him out to be the victim (poor H). He is apparently prepared to back down b/c he does not think it is in the children's best interests to drag the D through the courts. I agree with him but this will be the first time in 3 years that he has put thier needs first. His second (and probably the main reason) was that due his financial position (that he has put himself in) he cannot raise the money to build permanent accomodation for S16 and as it is approaching winter (and he currently sleeps in a conservatory) it is 'critical' that this matter gets resolved.
He did try and throw his weight around a bit by saying that he would only agree to this if he had the money by 31st Oct! My L has already sent a letter back pointing out that even if I were to agree to that the timescales of the court in relation to the D will not meet this anyway.
He also stipulated that I am not to name OW on my adultery petition. I was soooooooooooooo looking forward to doing that BUT I can live w/o it if it means I have to pay him less money.
There is a clause in the letter where I can imagine him reverting to being a 2yr old and stamping his feet whilst screaming 'It's not fair' as he has put how unfair and unrealistic my offer is but for the sake of the children he will be gracious enough to accept it (somebody please pass the sick bucket ).
So it now seems like there might actually be an end in sight. Not the ending I wanted (still want) but nevertheless an ending.
I was already going out tonight (arranged weeks ago) but now as well as going out and enjoying the company of my friends I have two reasons to celebrate. Yay me!
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I am sure it has done wonders for your self esteem. I shouldn't give a second thought about not naming the OW, it doesn't make a blind bit of difference except to us, no one reads it or sees who OW is unless it's reported in your local papers and after all this time it must be obvious to those who might be interested who she is. So well done again and enjoy your night out.
Congrats on the job and even bigger ones on getting H to back down. HA! I know my ex got a big shock when I stopped letting him walk all over me, as I had during our whole M (although he thought HE had done so, but that's another story...). It was so good for me, too.
Have a GREAT weekend!
Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Definitely, yay you, ACJ! The light is at the end of the tunnel. I kinda giggled at how much your H is willing to 'sacrifice' for your children. Yeah, right!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I kinda giggled at how much your H is willing to 'sacrifice' for your children.
Yes I showed the letter to my parents today and my mum was in fits of giggles too!
Well what a weekend. Last night I went to see the 'Lady Boys of Bangkik'. For those who were like me and had never heard of them they are a drag show. It was an excellent evening. I can't actually remember the last time i enjoyed myself so much. If you ever get the chance to see them, go. I went with the social networking group that I belong to but there were a few of us who know each other that went so we met for a drink before hand so it was a good evening.
On Friday at work I had a one on one with a lady who is doing some work with our directorate b/c there have been lots of sickness, trade union issues, complaints etc. I thought it was all going to be about team work (which it was centred around) BUT we had completed a special questionnaire first to determine our personality type etc and it was spooky now right it got me. Anyway one of the things that came out of it was that I need to feel included and I need a lot of affection. However what also came out of it was that I mask this too well and so other people do not realise my full needs and so they are not met (I'm sure this will sound familiar to so many of the 'oldtimers' here). She told me that I need to step out of my comfort zone and do things that please me and not necessarily others b/c then they would see the true me and realise my needs. Complicated but well worth a try.
So try it I did last night. As I explained earlier I had met up with a group of friends before the drag show. One of the women had been the main driver behind us all going but I knew I had been an after thought. Originally she had booke tickets on behalf of everyone else and then rang me and said 'if you want to come as well why don't you book it'. This has made me angry at the time b/c this is one of the ladies that I have become very close too but she recently let me down by cancelling an arrangement with me to go on a date with someone she had met on the internet and things have not been the same since. Anyway I digress. She had planned that after the drag show we were all going to go to a karaoke bar b/c staying with her was a guy we all knew from a differnt franchise of the social networking group and he loves karaoke. Originally I was going to go along with this but after the show another lady we all know joined us and she invited me to go salsa dancing. Now I love dancing (as i think you have all gleaned by now ) but I'm quite ambivalent about karaoke so I made the VERY unusual decision for me to split with the group I had made plans with and go dancing.
WOW, WOW, WOW. What a fabulous time I had. I've never had a salsa lesson in my life and watching others dance at this place was like watching professional dancers and I had intended that I would just soak up the atmosphere and watch. However I got dragged onto the dance floor by a complete male stranger. I explained to him that I was a 'novice' and so he kept the dance moves fairly simple but he wouldn't let me sit down again. I enjoyed the dance enormously but it became quite evident after a while that he was enjoying it for different reasons. He certainly thought he had 'pulled'. He told me I was beautiful which was clearly a VERY big boost for my ego but he was far from being my ideal date (even if I wanted to date) so eventually I made the excuse that I need to go to the bathroom.
I left this club about 1.45am. Just as I had got into a taxi I got a call from one of the guys from the original party I had been out with. He lives near me and we had made very loose plans to share a taxi home (as in if we are both still out at the same time we will share a taxi). Anyway he was ringing to see if I was still out and wanted to still share a taxi. I explained that I had literally just set off home in one. I did feel a bit guilty so this morning I sent him a TM apologising for letting him down. I also TMd the friend who had semi organised the evening to say I was sorry that I hadn't completed the evening with them but that I was happier dancing than going to karaoke. They both seemed fine with that. The guilt wasn't overwhelming and didn't last for long b/c my evening was built around things I wanted to do instead of what someone else wanted me to do and as a consequence I had an even better time than I might have done. This was big thing for me b/c my social life has always revolved around the plans of others and I have just tagged along. That isn't good enough for me anymore. I've got my independence back and I'm going to use it properly this time.
As an after thought the female friend who did the semi organising has previously left me to go on and do something different with others and I never even got an apology afterwards so you know what that guilt is getting less and less all the time. The one BIG difference with this occassion is that in my life up to now I would have let incidences like these tarnish friendships. This time I intend to take them for what they are see them as opportunities for me whilst still working on the firenships/Rs around me. Gosh am I becoming a grown up?
Today my parents came for the day. A while ago I bought some curtains for my living room and my dad came today to put up the pole I also bought to hang them from. I have been in this house ever since I was M (20yrs) and we have NEVER had curtains in this room (another convoluted story which I won't go into!). My room looks totally different and even though my carpet is also in great need of being replaced the room looks fabulous. What is even better is that I got a great sense of achievement out of choosing these curtains and the pole by myself whilst knowing that they were the right choice. H and I never agreed on furnishings and it was always either a battle or a very big compromise for one of us. It felt good not have that battle going on anymore.
thanks if you got this far for staying with me. I am growing for me and I LOVE it.
Last edited by ACJ; 10/13/0801:28 AM.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
