Hi Sanderika, thank you for taking the time to explain your situation more fully. It sounds very complicated and I don't think that you have heard the last from your H but as to how cordial those interactions will be I have no idea. We all do what we hope is the right thing when it comes to saving our marriage and it is only with hind sight we maybe see that perhaps we enabled or made matters worse. I really think you seem to have done all you could and your H is a very difficult book to read as it were. Going over the past years will have you in complete turmoil, so try and set yourself a time limit for the retrospective thinking, you seem to be a highly organised person so this could be a challenge that you maybe could set your mind to.
I understand the not wanting to see "they are truly dogs underneath" I hated anyone to criizise my h or even think badly of him and often found myself defending him. I also believe that they are not necessarily bad men,just that they moved on and stopped loving us, they wanted something we couldn,t give them, maybe their youth back or maybe they just got bored like you we had a lifetime together and life does become samey? Maybe they feel they missed out by marrying their first love- like most everyone I have tried to fill in the blanks at times. I no longer do that.We will never know. I no longer think of Ow as the devil incarnate, mine also had a bad reputation and I did hate her and have no wish to meet or be her friend but I came to realise my H was not a man that was easily manipulated and she didn't control him, she turned his head and flattered him and he was obviously attracted to her but she didn't force him to do anything I don't think. he was an intelligent professional business man and continued to be so-so no she definately did not have control of him. I wanted to think that and I believed it for along time but now I know I did that to ease my pain and excuse my H for his actions. Gosh this is long and I must go to bed. I think you have stirred up some long forgoten musings I had. Whatever the outcome you will survive trust me. You have done all you could and now it's in the lap of the Gods. They use to say on this bb that it takes a month for ever year of marriage to heal, so you have a while to go, but you will get there. Take the focus off what the OW has done and what has happened in the past and stay focused on the D and paperwork for now. Deal with one thing at a time otherwise it will drive you crazy and your son needs one sane parent. Take care.
