I guess it's over

[NikB]

((Trixi))

Hope your weekend's going well.

Nickleback's good! I spent much of last spring/summer singing "Rockstar" way too loudly while cruising around with the convertible top down. That's more along the lines of just PMA boosting as opposed to "girl power' but I figure both are good!

Trying to think what other songs I liked...

"Man, I Feel Like a Woman"'s a good one. Funny that two of the three songs I listed are country since I pretty much dislike 99% of country music! Guess some of those country gals know how to write "girl power" well, though.

That still feels a bit like a commentary on who *I* am- like I couldn't keep him because *I* lacked something..but hopefully, in time, I will be able to really see and feel that it was HIM that lacked something. Intellectually, I can say that; but emotionally, I haven't fully embraced the concept.

Or.. maybe neither of you lack anything, exactly, you just don't "fit" because of different values. You want a committed, monogomous, loving R. He wants to be "free" and uncommitted, a "friends with benefits" R that doesn't require anything of him. Doesn't work for you (nor would it work for about 99% of women, but that's another story).

Personally it makes me want to say "GROW UP!" but his response to that might well be - Why? If that's how he wants to live and if it works for him, why change it? The obvious answer, to me, is that he's missing out on a potentially great R with a great woman, and he'll never really be able to find that stability. But his choice.. maybe that's not what he wants.

I'm not interested in some knockdown drag out fight. I just want what is rightfully mine. I think he is of the same frame of mind. It's a community property/no-fault state, so it should be fairly easy to hash out the details since we don't have any underage children.

You'd think so... and I hope you're right, but I thought this would be the case for us too and I was surprised at some of what got pretty contentious with H even just in casual conversation, without ever getting to the point of filing anything. Hopefully it won't though.

Just be sure that if you're legally entitled to it, you have some kind of protection financially. I saw you mentioned health insurance too - losing that's a big deal, so maybe you can negotiate something with that - worth asking about.

I'm glad you're crying less often and less hard! You deserve happiness, Trixi - you really do.

I think I need to take control of my life. Can I do that and NOT file? I dunno.

Only you can probably truly answer that question. I'd ask differently, can you let him go without the paperwork? Truly let him go? If you can, you can always hold off on the filing. If you need the paperwork to move on mentally/emotionally, then maybe it is in fact time to file.

How long's the waiting period in your state? That might be a consideration, too.

((Trixi))

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.