What a sweet post Chazz. And you're so right on all your points.
I know for me, when the bomb hit and I was told what an awful wife I had been, I didn't value myself much either. But when he tried to say I was a bad mom, well, that's when I got mad and started to fight back.
Plus, to further your points, if our children feel as if we don't care about ourselves, then what do they have to look up to? Especially when our STBX's are wallowing in their own - whatever.
My feeling is this: If we can somehow choose to step back when we're in more pain than we ever have been, and look at what good we have rather than bad, we can get through this dark hour with less baggage.
It's hard to make that choice, but it is a choice. For me, having the kids to take care of and keep my mind busy was a Godsend. It kept me focused on what was important. But even for those DB'ers who do not have kids, there are ways to keep yourself focused.
If I had not had the kids, there were things I would have liked to do.
