I was unfaithful

[Esky94]

I am sad because I feel that I have no intrinsic value. I have spent my life pinning happiness to things that are often only short term measures to keep unhappiness away.

Max,

You are not worthless. You are a child of the universe and you have every right to be here. People make mistakes. You're not the first and you certainly won't be the last.

I'm not condoning what you've done (or what I've done), but there's a limit to how much I will flog myself over stuff. My DB coach said to look at my separation like a gift. It's a chance to work on me, without being pressured on a day to day basis to "be perfect".

I've learned to forgive myself. For me, forgiveness is the decision to not live in the past. It's not easy...there are lots of "past" bits that keep cropping up, but they don't serve me. Anger doesn't serve me. Self-pity doesn't serve me. If my M survives, then I want to be a better person than what I was in the old relationships. And if I'm a better person than before, then who cares what the old person was like. I gotta look forward and keep learning and keeps smiling. If my M doesn't survive, then I'm still a better person for the sake of my kids and everyone else around me.