I was very emotional at my first few al-anon meetings too. It happens to all of us who love addicts.
My W agreed to get help after she lost a good paying job because she was drinking during the day and couldn't handle the administrative part of the job. I came home with the kids and found her passed out on the couch. Immediately, I took the kids and left. I came back a couple of hours later to find that she had taken a whole bottle of pain pills and a suicide letter.
Frankly, she has relapsed and determined that she's not an alcoholic after all. side note, she's an adult child of an alcoholic as well.
I don't have any statistics on the success of M's when one spouse is an addict. I can tell you that in my experience in al-anon; more M's stay together when it's the H that is the addict. I've only met one man whose M is intact when the woman is the addict.
Keep in mind that in all the cases I've seen and I've seen a few with the meetings I went to with the W in rehab; addicts seek help for two reasons: 1. they hit their rock bottom and finally realize they need help 2. they hurt someone and they are court-ordered to rehab. Sometimes #2 causes #1.
You can't change him. You can only change you! DB'ing principles lie within the tools they promote in al-anon. Detachment is the biggest tool that you have. Realizing that you cannot control the addict is key. Give it up to your higher power.
