marriedCrazy, thanks for reply. And by the way, didnt mean to offend anyone on this thread with my outburst earlier. I get a little bipolar at times. Yes, H is probably alcoholic - he has even admitted to it- says he is "functioning alcoholic" drinking himself to "oblivion" and becoming addicted to tobacco since losing his love for me. Says he will get help, then says no, he can help himself. I now realize how co-dependent Ive been these years, and it probably exhaused me emotionally (H left cuz I wasnt there for him "intimately or emotionally") Yes, Ive been to 1 alnon meeting a couple months ago. It was really more of an open AA meeting. I felt a little awkward and became very emotional - couldnt control my tears. I think part of me is still in denial about it- after all he has held a job, never abusive, only drinks after work.....I dont need to be at those meetings.......see the co dependency? Your W- what convinced her to get help? I feel a large part of all this craziness is alcohol taking over their brains.. if he would just get help, would there be hope for our M? I need to work on myself too, but it would certainly be a step in the right direction
me 36 H 38 D11 S11 (twins) S14 M 16yr Oct 17 T 21yr IDLYA 6/18 H moved out 6/19 H confessed A and asked for D 7/4 H consulted atty about 1mo ago Still waiting to be "served"
I was very emotional at my first few al-anon meetings too. It happens to all of us who love addicts.
My W agreed to get help after she lost a good paying job because she was drinking during the day and couldn't handle the administrative part of the job. I came home with the kids and found her passed out on the couch. Immediately, I took the kids and left. I came back a couple of hours later to find that she had taken a whole bottle of pain pills and a suicide letter.
Frankly, she has relapsed and determined that she's not an alcoholic after all. side note, she's an adult child of an alcoholic as well.
I don't have any statistics on the success of M's when one spouse is an addict. I can tell you that in my experience in al-anon; more M's stay together when it's the H that is the addict. I've only met one man whose M is intact when the woman is the addict.
Keep in mind that in all the cases I've seen and I've seen a few with the meetings I went to with the W in rehab; addicts seek help for two reasons: 1. they hit their rock bottom and finally realize they need help 2. they hurt someone and they are court-ordered to rehab. Sometimes #2 causes #1.
You can't change him. You can only change you! DB'ing principles lie within the tools they promote in al-anon. Detachment is the biggest tool that you have. Realizing that you cannot control the addict is key. Give it up to your higher power.
Ok, first T2L, thanks for that inspirational post. We all needed it. Last night and today was pretty awful. Woke up did not want to get out of bed and then brought a book to bed and stayed there till 12:30! H called trying to have D come over and she was not interested. He is giving her a ride to party tonight she is going to. H is bored today because Ow has daughter's wedding and he can't be invited since she works for him. I was depressed because her she is with her whole family and here I am 2000 miles from mine because H wanted to move here. Can you tell I am slightly bitter and depressed today??
Glad to read your messages today.
Jgrind, good suggestion about going to Alnon, give it a try. Marriedcrazy is right it is a good group and you need to keep your mind open. Alcohol will only continue to depress him and he will drink more to forget. As for the message your H left. He thinks because he is having fun that the rest of the family should share it. It is that MLC fog. too too much.
T2L...disneyland??? you know we are all anxiously waiting to here about the day? was it a success? Did you push him off space mountain? details details. I miss you and your input.
My book came today and the mail box office was closed so I could not pick it up at the desk! Need it more than ever.
Might go see Fireproof tonight, need something to put me completely off the edge!
Take care all of our stich. Thank God we have this.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
