I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say, "I surrender. You are free. Now, go away."
I do not want to go back to old ways. I feel like H is trying to rope me into the same dance we have been dancing, the dance we were in back at MC last year before he moved, where he wasn't sure what he wanted, wasn't sure how to get it, loved me but didn't know how to make it work, etc etc. If he can't MOVE from that stuck position, I will have to leave him behind. B/C I hate standing still and I will NOT go backward again.
BBJ...I don't know if I am projecting my sitch onto yours but your h sounds so much like mine it's not funny.
I think you need to seriously consider the following:
If he was on a business trip then he was likely all about business ie one task at a time, and concentrating on his job, concentrating on the people he is working with. Making sure he can provide for his family by doing a good job.
It is possible that because he was on a business trip that he hasn't read your email. He may have lots of stuff already swirling around in his head that he wants to think through.
What was the subject line of the email? If it even slightly indicated something emotional/deep he may have avoided reading it until he gets some 'proper' down time (when that will be, who knows, and trust me that is humungously frustrating from us girls point of view).
He may have flicked through the email, realised it's a serious one and again, be leaving it till he has some proper time to deal with it. He may sense that you are freaking out a little and in all likelihood, he probably IS taking your temperature when he txts/calls.
I think you need to give him one last chance to read and respond. Once he is back home while you can't control what he does, you can be more aware of the environment that he is in (he's living with you isn't he?) and perhaps see a little more clearly when he can deal with the letter.
I am soooo much putting myself in your shoes. I think I am going to need to do something similar to your letter soon and I'm scared.
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
Yeah, I am tired of waiting. Remember that song, "So tired, tired of waiting, tired of waiting for you....." It had a good line or two
"It's your life, you can do what you want Do what you like, but please don't keep me waiting, please don't keep me waiting..."
That's me. Waiting. Yes, he is on a business trip. It is important. Then tomorrow is the camping trip. Hs mom just picked up the kids. We are supposed to be there by 11 tomorrow, she said H promised her we would...Then I am sure Sunday means farm chores when we finish camping.
(Second verse, same as the first......sing with me!)
So as always, the stuff has shaken out and I landed at the bottom of the to-do list. I deserve more. I will not say any of this at first. I will see what/if H has anything to say.
He sent me a long text about how he was in houston but must have had the time wrong earlier b/c he gets in at 11 not 10 (I already knew that but hey, he actually said he was wrong??).
I sent something back about have a safe flight and the kids just left w/your parents.
We texted back/forth 2 or 3 times,then he stopped. He called 10 min later to say he had run over to Wendy's to get a burger and was getting ready to board the plane. (Thanks for the update?!?)
Then he said bye and got on the plane. He did say he was tired and tense and when I asked why he said just the usual stuff of life...work/travel, etc. His exact words were, "Just usual life stuff".
He is either really trying to smooth things over and avoid a conflict by being nice, or he is totally insensitive and doesn't know how important that letter was to me...
He is either really trying to smooth things over and avoid a conflict by being nice, or he is totally insensitive and doesn't know how important that letter was to me...
IMO he doesn't know how to respond without letting you down. All the guys here would kill to get a letter like that, so we are biased. You called him on the carpet about what's next. If he's not sure what's next in his mind then he feels a lot of stress. Try a little different approach - after asking him if he read your letter, then just ask why is it so hard for you to answer. Don't say anything, sit on your hands, bite your tongue. If no answer just say it would mean a lot to me if you could tell me what you are thinking (not feeling.) If he doesn't answer again, then say something like, one of the things I find attractive about you is how you tell me things (make it work for your sitch). Guys also find it easier to talk if we are doing something, especially with our hands - eating, using tools, building something. You are frustrated, that's a form of anger so be careful of your emotions. You can handle it. Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Try to be patient. Purple makes some good points. You asked him to respond if he had time. If he read the letter (it was a long one), he might have just opened it, read a little and closed it til later. Even if he did read it but didn't answer, ask him to read it again before responding. Maybe you can talk about it in the car tomorrow on the way to the campground. If not, then set a time to discuss it or for him to write a response. As you point out, if you push for a quick response you get him in a bad mood and things don't go well.
Personally, I am beginning to question his ability to deal with important matters in his life. Remembering the gas station incident and then today's little argument, it seems that he is not thinking as clearly as he should be able to. Has he been checked for a physical problem for his emotional state?
I think he read the letter, and he is trying to ignore it, and hope it goes away. BUT, for the moment, let's give him the benefit of the doubt. Give him a couple of days after he gets home to say something. Then, you can ask him if he got it. Still calmly, kind of in an out of curiosity way. Then ask if he read it. If he says he didn't (probably not true, but more benefit of the doubt) give him another day or two.
BobbiJo I dont think I have posted to you before, but I have been reading and am thinking of you. I'm very curious to see what happens about your letter. Especially as you said that you are the Queen of writing letters.... maybe a letter writing 180 is needed?
Yup...I'm with Jeff. HOpefully he won't meet our expectations (that he's avoiding the whole thing in the hope that it will go away) and he will step up, but I think you need to go extra steps to make sure you have your own backyard clean.
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
