H is gone for the weekend, 2 calls today to the kids, did not ask to talk to me. I called him this am to wish him good luck this weekend, he was nonchalant, but then said he is stressed and anxious about the weekend, so I am going to let that one go.
Read some stuff the last couple days, about how both are hurting in this situation not just the lbs, although I can't imagine how it could hurt him as much, doesn't matter really we both have to deal with our lives.
Watched the Sex in the City movie tonight, there were some good messages in there, about looking out for yourself and what you really need. The mushy stuff was there, but it didn't bother me as much as it sometimes does.
I guess tonight I am feeling like I will survive. I don't have to like this to survive, but I do have to accept the path laid before me, I have no other choice, wishing it was different won't change it or make me feel better, it is good for me to just write those words. The only thing that will help is time and changing my focus to me, and my life, which includes my kids of course.
Some days are just going to suck and there is no way around that. I have to figure out a way not to slide all the way down the hill when those days happen. I am not going to be okay if I let that happen all the time. Ultimately that is the goal, to be okay, regardless of what or who is in my life.
Me 41 H 42 DD 11 DS 8 M 18 bomb 8/3/06 separating 9/18/08
