Trying2live- the new post 1

[Trying2live]

Well Hellooooo ya'll! I've just been browsing over everyone's posts. Whew, I can hear and feel all the weight you are all bearing(and mine too). Just want to share this before I go into it. I think most of you know I'm an associate Pastor and Worship Leader so it only seems fitting for me to share what God reminded me of. "Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8 I think sometimes we question our selves. I know i have. Why do i want him back am I insane? But I don't think we are. Love does cover a multitude of all our short comings. I think that we in some ways have become a throw away society because it's easier.

You all sound like wise women and I know that you will know what and when to say okay I have fought for my marriage so now I can go forward. I admire you all for even considering and taking time to fight for your marriage-this is the for better or for worse part. And understand me I am in no way advocating being a door mat. Even I have not done that. I had to cut off H at the beginning because of the craziness and email attacks he sent me. So even I refuse to be a door mat.

Can during this hard time change your view? I know it sounds crazy because for God's sakes your living in it. But look at this as an opportunity for personal growth. You know everyone kept saying that to me so I had to really look at it. And you know what? I do need to grow. I have been with my H so long I don't even know who I am or what I am. I have catered to my H as best I could foregoing my own needs and desires. I'm not saying become self centered but use this time as well to find out who you are.

I always thought if this happened to me I would die, its my deepest darkest worst fear and I'm living in it and I'm alive and okay. I hurt but I'm okay.

The best thing that the DB book did for me was the GAL and that's why I push it so hard. Although I had a desire to always try salsa lessons, I don't think I would have ever done it if this hadn't happened and that's a shame. We as wives need to be balanced and I wasn't. I lived and sacrificed for my family, and it was a joy. But how well can you love another if you do not love and take care of your self? So please please please girls GAL do something in left field(not crazy ok) but something creative and fun. You will thank your self for it.

I also think, and I've said it over and over again, that our spouses expect us to mope, cry and stop living. Mix it up. Let them see you GAL and living. Let them think, "why on earth is she salsa dancing she should be miserable look what I just did." Confuse them and while your doing it your gaining confidence.
What do you think it was that caused your H to be attracted to you? I bet it was your confidence and spunk. Find that by GAL.

Ok here's my stance on dating in our situation, this is opinion only so there's no condemnation if you disagree-but I have read a few books and they all seem to lean this way.

I say no dating right now even if you decide not to stand and fight for your marriage. If you date I feel it's a form of self medicating. Your trying to cover up the pain instead of riding it out. Yeah, sure it'll take the pain away, at least for a while. But God is funny like that. He doesn't allow us to skip steps. You will have to go around the same mountain no matter what so why not do it the 1st time. Make sense.

For my self, I refuse to date until, I am no longer fighting for my marriage and I am fully happy being by myself. I do not want to only have the ability to be happy and content only if a spouse is standing next to me. And guess what you get to show this image of strength to your children. You get to set the standard for them. Please guard your self in this area.

Ok so I'm gonna post again, updating on Disneyland and all your posts. I just wanted to encourage you all. I have so much respect for you all, I really do.

Hey one of these days I'm gonna share my testimony with ya'll. Your gonna laugh...XOXO