Sorry to hear about BF. Suspected it. The OM seems to be a kind of truism on this BB. It's hard, I know. But you can rise above and bring stability to the chaos - you've already proven that.
I understand the dropping people and self-preserving. In a bit of the same sitch, though am slowly re-emerging. Be patient with yourself, okay? We both are finding new ways to live and it's hard.
Best advice I can give is, get your place into a state where it supports you. You aren't a second-class citizen; you deserve a warm and supporting home. Take the time to make it into that.
You're in derbyshire? I spent a year at Nottingham during my undergrad days.
