Regarding replying to his texts, I think that is appropriate. It is best to let him initiate contact, unless it has to do with kids or practical matters.
Your 180 is going to be to stop pursuing or putting pressure on him in any way to come back at this point.
Why not plan a eve. out with some friends, and have H come and babysit ? Be vague about what you are doing, but dress nicely and put on a little perfume. Go to the atm and witdraw cash, so he can see the W/d on your online acct. if you have one, but don't feel you have to spend it.
Create some intrigue and mystery about you.
I went shopping the other night and got some new clothes instead of going to dinner w/wifes family. I am going to do the same thing.
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
Native, Hello, yes I am around. I worked all day yesterday..then came home with the kids.
Things are going ok... more confused than ever...hubby has been flirting with me thru texts for the last 2 days.
Very explicit photos....hmm.. how is he texting and sending photos to me while in OW company?
I think last night he must have kept going to rest room or something... they were like 15-20 minutes apart.
But, he shows up today for soccer and doesnt say anything about them...we even joked about going to a hotel so we were away from the kids.
I am sure you all probably think I am crazy..but flirting and talking dirty are definately somehow part of his love language...lol
I just dont want to give up when I feel I am getting some sort of reaction out of him.... I have got him thinking of me...while in her presence or while he is at work.
I did send him an email in regards to him being home and has not brought up us and our relationship.
I told him after 19 years i deserved and honest open hearted conversation..not an email or text but if this is good bye..a conversation.
In my opinion, he's not going to take your concerns or your boundaries seriously when you're flirting with him in text messages, WHILE he's with OW and has made no commitments to you. I know it feels good to get a reaction out of him, but it's NOT going to help your cause.
In fact, it's very possible that he and OW may be sitting there getting a laugh out of them at your expense. I know that sounds really cruel, but I've heard dozens of similar stories and you can ask WDID or Sandi or any of the other FWAWs.
Its still a struggle... Yes he is wrong..but if I had been a better wife..he wouldnt have been in this position to stray....
San--I'm new to your thread, but I had to reply to this post. You're blaming the victim here, and that never works to anyone's advantage. I've been there too, beat myself up for not being a better wife. But then I remembered how I felt like I was disappearing, like I didn't matter, that I was exhausted trying to be good enough--but none of that mattered once he started chasing OW. She said "maybe," and two days later our marriage was over. That's not rational behavior, and that's not my fault. Love isn't an emotion--and he's forgotten that. Lust is an emotion, causes all kinds of chemical responses in the brain. Love is commitment, caring, thinking of your partner's needs as much as your own. You don't deserve him committing adultery, and he doesn't deserve your commitment. Please repeat to yourself: "It's not my fault!" Tape it to your bathroom mirror if necessary.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I think he's got his cake and is eating it too. Cavorting around with OW, sees his kids whenever it's convenient, has a nice dinner waiting for him, stays 90 minutes, then hugs you good bye and is off. Sounds exactly like my H. Except I don't get any hugs. I think your H is trying to convince himself he's such a nice guy, he still hugs you, still cares about your feelings--but then he goes back to OW anyway. But he's a really good guy (in his mind) because he hugged you and saw his kids.
Believe me, I did this too. There were a couple of weeks back during the summer when H missed D so much, and he came over to visit every evening, I had a nice dinner (which he never acknowledged, just ate) and stayed out of their way. I saw it as wow--something's changed. It lasted 2 weeks, he rarely acknowledged my presence, if I tried to leave to run errands he'd need me to be back so he could leave. I felt like such a doormat, and so stupid.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
So, like I said earlier, I would'nt go out of my way to fix him a nice dinner.
If that is what you have been doing in the past, you need to do a 180. He may have taken you for granted, or seen your efforts as attempts to gain his love.
I will tell you that as a man, neediness is a really unattractive quality. I'm sure it is for women as well. Or perhaps in your case, it created a parent-child dynamic, and he is acting like an irresponsible child.
I think you did too much for this guy, or at least too much of the wrong thing. I did too much for my W in some ways, not enough in others.
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
Ok I havent been on because so much has happened that you wouldnt be proud of me..and now I am stuck....
Im not sure if I posted about all the flirting back and forth with hubby on Thurs and Friday nights...
Well Saturday we spend the day together. Made love took a two hour nap.
We had a conversation afterwords...he knows he needs to make a decision. He "says" he will never love her like he loves me...bla bla yes he cares for her but is so confused.
Foreward to Sunday..we were to talk more...still asking him straight out about telling his entire family he was done ..yet I still feel love from him. Is he done... he cant say.
He continues to say I do love you..but cant say he will come home and wont tell me to move on.
Tell him his choice is obvious in his actions..he is living with her...
Please just say your done..let me go..
He says nothing all day..until..I forward a text to him that I want to send to her..revealing his Saturday afternoon romp with me.
He is pissed off..tells me to send it..then I called him and said I dont want to send it...he says we are done that is exactly why I dont want to be with you..you set me up....
What? So...he is now pissed...still with her..I want to F*** up her world and tell her.. I know it seems immature..but why should she walk around and gloat.
What do you think? Please be kind..I know I am an idiot.
