Well I went to trivia alone becuase my H has told me he isnt interested in it. However, he still was at the bar across the street from where trivia was all night long. He never once stopped in to say hi to me or all of the 20 other old friends of his. Instead, he was drinking as usual with all his new single buddies.
It is driving me nuts.
He ended up coming over afterwards as planned and we had a nice evening and I even finished watching the movie I started the day before that he interupted.
I am starting to just focus on doing the things that make me happy and telling him what it is that "I" have planned for "my" evenings. I am no longer going to invite him or try to make plans, I will just state what I am doing and if he wants to come along then great. If not, then we are just moving slowly farther apart.
Its like when you get burned from a hot stove, you learn not to touch it again. Slowly, I think the pain and hurt he causes me in our M is going to make me put my guard up even more to protect my heart from being broken again.
This stinks, I was so happy that he wanted to come back and work on our M and begin piecing. Now I just feel fear of it not working out due to his crazy drinking, poor priorities, and not wanting to move back in with each other.
I am not giving up, I am just stepping back and I will wait and see whats in our future. TIPPER
We had a nice evening last night. He actually came over on time and ate dinner with me. He was tired and somewhat quiet, but it was a nice evening.
I told him this a.m. when I left for work that I hope to maybe see him tonight. And he said, "yea, definetely" as though he was shocked that I didnt make a plan with him.
I guess I should be grateful for him coming over for dinner and spending the night with me. He was talking about many things he would like to do this weekend and I said sure. Now lets see if he follows through with them or if he just goes out and drinks.
This may sound wierd, but I actually feel like I bore him to death when he comes to my house for the evening. It is like he is always quiet and usually reads or watches t.v. and crashes on the couch early. If he was at the bar, he would be loud and lively and up until all hours of the night. What is wrong with this picture.
Tipper, You posted on my thread and I replied. But I wanted to come read your thread. (((( HUGS ))))
Your H sounds lost or confused, at least. Does he really want to work on the M? It sure doesn't sound like you're his first priority.
I think that focusing on yourself, and what makes you happy is a fantastic idea. Don't wait around for him. Life goes by too fast. Definitely GAL more, even it's just going out for a walk. When he calls, tell him you have plans, but don't tell him what. Be mysterious.
N_A, Hey there, I took a mini break from posting since I have been so busy lately.
Things have been going very well this week with lots of things in my life. I feel a bit more relaxed about my sitch and have been just been focusing on patience.
This last week was a great week for me and my H. We spent a lot of time together and did some fun things. We went to an octoberfest in our town with lots of friends, gone bowling several times, went golfing, out to dinner, to his gig, watched some good dvd's, got our hot tub hooked up (but not running yet), and he has been spending lots of time with me instead of being out at the bars drinking.
You could say, it is one of his good weeks where he has put in a lot of energy. Tommorow we are going to an old h.s. friends wedding 3 hrs away and staying in hotel over night. It shall be fun.
I love it when life feels back to normal somewhat. My fears arent so prominent. But then he goes through drinking binges and it really messes up my emotions. I pray it will slowly get better as we and especially (he) heals.
Sounds like a great week! You sure do stay busy. I've been OK, busy too but mostly with work and kid stuff. R-wise, things are moving a little too slow for me. We are comfortable and I can tell he wants to be here, but I feel stuck in a rut. I guess I need to do something to shake things up.
N_A, Yeah I am always busy. Mostly due to the fact that I actually was someone who had a life before the seperation, and then when I got seperated and read DBing it said to GAL, so I then doubled the amount of activities and hobbies that I do.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all the events I have going on, but then I realize that it helps to keep my mind from stressing out.
Well My H and I had a great week last week and the wedding was a blast. My H even talked to one of our old best freinds that was also at the wedding & that he has been immaturely avoiding for the last 6 months. They spoke with people around and even alone.
This was a big baby step, cuz this freind is one of my best from childhood and he is very caring and protective towards me since he is almost like a brother. I was so happy, needless to say.
He also made a comment when the bride and groom were dancing, about how happy he is for them and how they seem like a genuinly happy couple - "like us"- he said as he smiled at me. I was caught off guard. I guess it is because I contstantly worry about him being happy with me or not, and becuase sometimes I feel like I am unhappy dealing with his alcoholism.
I am glad to know that my H is happy with me, I just hope it stays that way.
Last monday, his band didnt play. The band is fizzeling out, but only for a temporary time period. So he went out with his cousin instead and completely blew me off to get wasted. I hate those nights. They are getting easier - now that I am getting more used to it. I know I should be voicing my hurt to him, but I dont know how. I am scared if I said I was mad, that he would leave again. I will stay quiet for now. This will probably be a bad week filled with him binging and blowing me off. Who knows? TIPPER
*Monday= he blew me off to get drunk. *Tuesday= he was at my house when I got home from work(unusual for him) and we watched movies all night. He was hung over and tired & I was quiet due to having feeling hurt the day before. *Wednesday= we went bowling when I got back from work and then he came over for dinner and t.v. He was texting people the whole night long (even while bowling), I was so annoyed but didnt say anything. *Thursday= I had to work late due to having an open house at the h.s. I work at and didnt get home until 8:30. He wasnt around when I called. He didnt text me back until 30 min later and then he asked if he could come over. It took him 45 mins to get to my house after that (5 min drive). I fell asleep soon after he got there.
So, the week wasnt too bad. But there were still two nights that I was alone while my H is at the bars drinking. I hate those nights, I almost always end up in tears on those evenings. I dont know if I can or even should put up with it. But for now, I will try.
He did some nice things around my House this week which was nice. But he has started to get to the point to where he is critizising me alot about any of my flaws or faults. I would love to just rip into him when he does this, but I havent becuase it is a 180 for me to not get defensive and fight back. But it is hard to deal with, I am feeling down.
Hang in there. I feel like you need some support for dealing with his drinking. Have you tried AlAnon? I have heard that they have online meetings, which might work for you if you don't want to go in person.
