Dan, Hope you are feeling better!!!! I've been careful since H left not to allow myself to do just that. Tequila happens to be my liquor of choice...so, I have to be careful with the shots!!!
I hope the talk with the W went okay and that it doesn't bring you down. It's funny. I almost emailed H today to ask the very same thing. I have to think he thinks about it every once in a while. Surely. So, I think I'll base my decision on the results of your talk!! Either way, don't expect much and try not to be disappointed about the results.
Hope you have a good weekend planned.
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
I remember when I was a young 20 year old man sleeping next to my car wheel on a Texas beach after having a debate with Jose Cuervo. I woke up early in the morning with the worst hangover and my head was covered with a sand drift that had built up during the night. Jose Cuervo is no friend of mine!
I drink the cheapest tequila they have in the well But, not any more.
KK, I know that I'm not 20 any more, but, I had 10 drinks in 2 hours back in July and I wasn't as drunk that night. However, the hangover was far far worse.
Here is how things have gone with my W.
We set up the fish tank for my son and his new blue beta fish. Then, she asked to see the divorce petition. When she was done reading it, I asked her if we were sure there was no way to fix things. She was as ambivalent about the divorce in its' reality as I am. We talked through a bunch of things. Yes, she got involved before we filed, but, she also waited to file at my request. Yes, she was out chasing attention and external validation, but, I suppose that's what I've been up to in going out. So, we talked and I listened to her and it's strange, but, I feel like I started to really be friends with her for the first time yesterday and more so today.
The punch line is that if we can build a relationship together it will have to start from zero. So, for now, we are tentatively planning on filing the divorce petition and behaving like we are divorced, but, open to things working out between us again. We may find that along the way we are both sure that we do want to divorce and we may find that we don't want to divorce yet and we may find that we don't want to divorce at all. Only time will tell, but, at least there is a chance.
It's a little weird listening as she talks about the stress and drama of her two relationships, but, here is where it really is paying off I think. She doesn't have anyone else that she can talk to about this. I'm willing to be her friend and not judge her about the situation and I think that more than anything is convincing her that perhaps things can be different.
Wow, Dan!! I think it's great if you can be her friend that way. I thought I might try that route, but last weekend when I realized how much H thinks (although he doesn't admit it) that he has actual real feelings for OW, I realized that I'm not strong enough or detached enough to talk about his R with her that way. It hurt way tooo much!
I'm glad to know that you are both open to at least seeing where things might go one day...that's progress as I see it!!
Hope your weekend has been good, but not too good, and I don't want you feeling too badly tomorrow.
My secret to drinking a lot of tequila...is not to chase it with beer. I don't chase my shots with anything. And, most of the guys that have challenged me to doing shots with them drink beer between shots. They never notice that I'm not drinking between shots...so, I've won many challenges that way! I remember one night I ordered the 5th round of shots and looked up. My friend was gone. His wife had made him go home because he was so drunk she didn't want him hanging with me anymore!
Take care! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
Hi Amy, thanks for the tequila drinking advice. If I ever get into a shot contest, I'll remember not to chase with anything.:P
As for being a friend, there are a lot of things that allow me to do that. First, the growing I've done has left me feeling like I've never been married. On top of that, we've both put a bullet in our old marriage, it wasn't working. But, the new me might be able to be her friend and it's possible that through that friendship, with a little MLC on both our parts, we might find our way back together. It's a long shot, but, it's a shot and a week ago, I wouldn't have guessed that we had this much of a chance.
But, not any more.