I still believe in miracles

[istherehope]

Hi OW,

Thanks for visiting my thread. I shall visit yours tomorrow!

Glad you think booking the hotel was a good idea. I hope it shows I proactively do things to give him space.

Great feedback about me being apologetic. I guess as of late I've found that apologizing is the one thing that seems to turn him around when he is saying really cruel things. It's what seems to bring him to his senses, but the point you raise about it making someone seem needy is really interesting. It seems to be OK in IM and email, but in person when I do this he always says it's not about the R anymore.

Still not sure about the 2 weeks. I am going to try for something more natural, like a few days here and a few days there, by my choice but also giving him control if he wants space. Not sure how this will pan out, but I don't like the forced trial period when he already has an agenda in place.

Yeah I totally feel like I am on trial. I mean he even used the word trial for the living situation, so I assume it applies equally to me, or more specifically to the R dynamic, which again is confusing. He wants a perfect R which I imagine includes intimacy and fireworks, but he wants loads of space, which means me leaving him alone. By this token, with me in the house, the R can't pass his test because we won't be able to develop it without me crowding him, which would mean me not listening to what he wants. Unfortunately I think there is going to need to be an R talk where we figure out what he wants from this period together...

In terms of mistakes, I only really made 2 throughout the summer, yet they are what H remembers about the summer, that I was so outspoken. He does not realize that I didn't reach out to him etc. for about 3 months. Pretty frustrating the way history can get rewritten!

H