I agree w/ others. My X gave me the choice of keeping the house until I can afford to buy him out BUT then I prayed about it & HE revealed to me that house was not one that was blessed or given to me by HIM. God told me to sell it- IT WAS SOLD IN TWO WEEKS!
Then I thought about it- WHY would you want to stay in a house full of memories of your EX???
My girls love our new home! AND yes we have made it OUR home. EX is even part jealous of it (says the bathrooms are much nicer than his)..he he . The girls even said they feel like thier in a hotel. AND I thought our old house was 'the bomb', I was gonna miss the way it layed out w/ our MB way on the other side of the house, all tiles, & the huge pantry. Well, we got a townhome, bigger sq footage and also all tiles.
Mrs H, just wanted to say how sorry I was about your home. I know so well the heartache, I nearly went over the edge when I "lost" my home of 20 odd years and moved to my "shoebox" I felt like it was the final nail in the coffin and I hated all the people who came to view it. No one seemed "good" enough to buy my house.
Well I was both wrong and right. It was the final nail in the coffin of my old life. I had to downsize considerably and parting with my furniture and treasures was at times more than I could bare.
But it forced me to start living again,the good memories are still with me in my heart, the happy years but the bad have faded and almost gone by not living in the place where they happened. I have slowly made new friends and aquaintances and my neighbours are so lovely and kind.
My children can all stay for a visit (bit of a squeeze but we manage) and I can just afford the bills and alot less maintenance to worry about and no gardeners to employ. I have no land but I can walk to the woods in a minute or two. I still have alot of my original possessions, couldn,t afford all new but they bring me joy in my new home not sadness. I am not saying it will be easy but from my perspective it was just the window I needed to escape from my pain and unhappiness that was surrounding me day& night(I only realized that afterwards) Funny thing is the people who bought my home sent their child to my school and have just had another baby so I am pleased that my family home once again has a family in it. I wish you well and may your new abode bring you a new joy and happiness.
mrsH, I know you are upset...your house is your home and it is the only home you have known for quite awhile. yes, it is a loss but your new home will be ready for new memories that you make with the kids. The market is awful right now so hopefully it will not sell for awhile. JA has not lived in your house for more than two years so this is not affecting him like it is you...ignore his "excitement", all he is seeing is $$. How is school going? You must be so busy studying and being a mom!! I know how that is! Hope all is well.
I am really not looking forward to moving. The place I am going to be renting is ok, but it's a big down grade to what I have now. There really isn't anything nice about the place, and since I am renting, there is not much I can do to it either. Kind of gets me down as I love interior decorating.
Also, people that rent there usually do short term leases so it's not like I will be meeting many people. The only thing good about it, is that it has 3 bedrooms, they allow my dog, and S7 won't have to change schools.
So today I am missing my old H alot.
Wednesday night he told me that he wanted to hire someone to do a yard cleanup because his back wouldn't be able to handle it. I told him to go ahead but I warned him that it could be expensive.
He said "I know, but just call up and shop around for someone."
Me: You told me you were going to be taking care of the yard so you need to do it.
JA: I don't know anyone around here because I don't live in this area.
Me: Well I don't know anyone either.
JA: Just call people
Me: Listen I have a busier schedule than you these days and I don't have the time to do it.
Anyway, he said a smart ass comment and that was the end of that conversation.
Thursday night he leaves me a message saying that he would be here on Friday afternoon to do the cleanup.
I was shocked. He came to do it. I mowed the lawn while he did it. When I was done I brought him out a glass of iced tea. What did he do? He started suggesting that I do this and that next. I did help out so I didn't have to hear his mouth. In a way it also felt nice to be doing something together again even if it was yard work.
Then I had to go pick S4 up from preschool. I locked the house doors so he couldn't get in. He noticed and I think was insulted.
Too bad, I don't need him prying through my stuff and taking what he wants while I was gone.
When I got back I had to go pick S7 up at the bus stop. Guess who shows up there?
Yep, JA.
He almost wouldn't let me get S7 off the bus again.
However S7 ran up to me first and gave me a hug.
Then JA said he had to go back to the house to get something to drink.
So he followed me home.
I went inside and heard my phone ring.
It was him calling from the driveway.
He said "Can you bring out some drinks for the boys please because I throw my back out again and I can't move."
I think he was full of sh!t and was just looking for pity.
However I brought the boys out their drinks and him out one too.
He starts in on that I just need to clean up this, that, this and that, outside.
I ignored him.
I should of told him I couldn't because I had a hot date. Didn't think of that until later.
He is so into his own world.
When he was leaving his phone rang and he said "I gotta go"
I felt like saying to him "she has you on a short leash, huh" but of course like always I bit my lip.
I sometimes still can't believe that we are no longer together. I do miss the old him so much. He was my high school sweetheart. We had so many memories together, but now he has created new ones with the bimbo.
Oh, and I forgot to mention. I spoke with our friend Andy the other day and he said that JA sometimes sounds so depressed on the phone and then other days sounds all happy.
Mrs. H, I'm sorry about your house. I understand how you feel about it, it was your dream home, a house full of dreams for the present and future. It was a home where your brought your babies home to raise them in a loving environment. So many memories...I know you don't want to sell it and w/today's market, it may not sell for quite some time. Any time you are "forced" to move, it's harder to accept.
From what you've posted, the new place will be smaller and very little yard for the children to play in. Will they still be in their school district or will they need to attend new schools?
As for JA, I'm very pleased to see that he brought himself over to work in the yard. I guess he realized that it's quite expensive to have someone come do the work that he should be doing himself. Rather bossy, isn't he? Just ignore him and continue doing the things that you know you need to do.
Please take care of yourself and those adorable little boys.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I know my X gets all 20 questions whenever I'm dolled up. The other friday when he was picking the girls up I was dressed to kill, X hadnt seen my in a skimpy outfit for over ten years & plus the fact that I've been on the divorce diet, lost twenty pounds .. Well, his eyes nearly popped out he was turned on and even rubbed aginst me to show me, todl me I was being bad....(sigh) He still tries to score.....poor OW , she'll learn when the next pretty thing comes along and he cheats again...
Thanks Snodderly. Yes, the rental won't really have any yard for them to play in and no garage, basement or storae either. So I will have to put their bikes, etc. in a rental storage place.
They will still be in the same school, that is the main reason why I am going to rent in that particular apartment area. I don't want the boys to have to go through too much change. My little one especially doesn't do well with change.
Chicki, I wish I did say that about the date! Not like he would care anyway though. He hasn't shown interest in me for about 3 years now.
Today I spent this beautiful day with my girlfriend and her husband. I had a really nice time, but I have to tell you, I am lonely.
JA has been gone for 2 1/2 years now. I miss the companionship of an adult and miss having someone to love.
Yes, I find other things to do to have fun and enjoy life, but still I feel there is a void in my life and I hate it. I just want to be loved, loved by JA, but that isn't going to happen.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I like reading up on your thread b/c in many ways yr X seems like mine /w his controlling ways.
I bet if u were to "test" it out as far as the pretend date or something he would get jealous. It will do wonders to yr self esteem. As for me I did start to date so I really was dressed for it & it has helped w/ not thinking about X so much. X has noticed. Have u ever tried? Yr X prolly has shown any inteerest b/c he knows yr "waiting in the wings" per say for him and hasnt seen anything to show him differnt?
